Shadows and Smoke

Chapter 29: Breakdown

Two chapters were posted, hope you guys will like this one, please comment your thoughts and votee!!

Love you all,

...

Scarlet's pov

I needed to go see Xaden, of course if the doctor was done with the surgery. Fucking hell, I couldn't wait anymore, I had zero patience. I needed to see Xaden, I needed to feel his warm hands, I needed to hear him give me attitude and boss me around. I started walking to Xaden's room where the doctor was, but Kai was outside the door. I still did not get the chance to ask Kai if the doctor was alone inside he already said they were taking turns staying inside and being by the door.

I nodded my head and said, "Thank you, I need to go see Xaden, I need to see if he is okay."

Kai looked at me, and his eyes softened. "I don't think it's a good idea to go inside now, Donna." He looked me up and down and he said, "No offense, but I think it's best if you take out that dress and get a shower. You need it, don't keep his or their blood on you, wash it off." As he said that, he looked at the floor.

I looked at myself and I was in fact still wearing the same dress, I did not have the chance to take it out yet. If we were in another situation, I would've laughed and said you want me to take a shower because I smell? But I was not in any situation where I would be able to make jokes.

"I don't want to wash off his blood, it's reminding me that he saved my life and now he is suffering because of me." I said, looking at him, and it was right, it was a reminder for me to see and remember that Xaden, my love, was in this situation because he saved my life.

"Yes, I understand but It's not only his blood that you have on you, it's better to clean off everything. If I understood anything from this night was, if he knew he would be in this situation or even if he knew that he would die, he would still protect you. No matter what. And that just proves, he loves you so much that he left his mafia behind just to save you." Kai said, and there was a hesitation in his voice, that was either because he didn't want to cross a line with me or he just had respect for me because of Xaden's love, or because of what he witnessed in the basement. "He left all of the guys behind, he left all of his orphanage friends behind, who he saved when they were only kids. So imagine how much he loves you."

I looked at him. At first I did not understand what Kai was saying, but when I focused on what he was saying, it clicked. Xaden was from an orphanage like me, he saved all of the kids from the orphanage. He left his friends behind just to save me.

I couldn't keep it in anymore, I collapsed on the floor and started crying. This whole day was a nightmare and I didn't even have the chance to comprehend everything that was happening. Now that I learned new things, I couldn't keep it in me anymore, after the range that I felt, I needed to break down now or after. I was sitting on the floor crying when I felt Kai taking my upper hand in his, trying to make me stand up, but I was too tired for that, I needed to let it out.

"Donna, let's get you to your room. You need to shower and sleep a bit." Kai was saying, but I couldn't see him, my eyes were blurry from all the crying.

"I don't want- I don't want to leave him here. And I look pathetic crying." When I said that, I started crying more. Oh god, how will they even listen to what was I saying when they see me crying like a fucking child.

"You don't look pathetic, it's only me. Let's go to your room, I will be outside of your room but I won't leave you alone." He said looking at me, but he wasn't touching me anymore he was just holding my hand as in to give me support.

"No one would be at Xaden's door if you come with me." I was sobbing. I wasn't even sure if Kai was understanding what I was saying but he was answering me so I guess he was?

"I will get Declan." He informed me.

"No, not Declan. Get Liam." I could not even think about the possibility of Declan being alone with Xaden, even though Jay was going to be there I couldn't trust Declan that much.

Kai nodded his head and he started typing something on his phone. I was still crying, I have never cried in my life this much, everything was so accumulated and I couldn't keep it in me. Kai took my hands again and he steadied me to my feet, I took a few breaths and I started walking towards Xaden's room.

"I will be in his room. If anything happens, you come inside right away and inform me." I gave him orders, because I couldn't wait until morning if they had received any news or information.

"Don't worry about that, I will inform you about everything. Right now my main priority is you, now you are the head of our mafia, you need to collect yourself or we would fall apart, if our leader is weak so are we," Kai was looking into my eyes, making sure I was understanding what he was saying and then he continued to speak again "We need you to stay strong, go break something, release your anger, do something, anything that will make you come back, but come back strong. We need you more than you know."

I nodded my head. Kai was right, if the leader was weak so was everyone, and right now there was no way for them to be weak. If Xaden was awake he would know what to do, but he wasn't, I needed to be strong for everyone. I already released my anger in the basement but I guess that was not enough.

I went inside Xaden's room and it was smelling like him. I felt like he was here with me, and that somehow gave me power. I dressed down from my dress, I took out everything that was on me, and went to shower. Everywhere that I touched was becoming crimson, everywhere in the washroom was blood. Xaden's blood. Enzo's men's blood. I started taking a shower, washing away the blood and the memories of tonight.

I don't think I am capable of washing away the blood that was on the wall, I will just get someone to come and clean after. I have never seen this much blood on me before. Xaden's blood will give me nightmares, and Enzo's men's blood will give me pleasure. I don't know how to make these two situations work in my head.

I finished taking a shower and changed into Xaden's t-shirts. I needed to sleep, I was so tired that I didn't even feel when I drifted off to sleep.

...

There was a knock on the door, but before I told the person to wait because I needed to change they already came inside. Liam entered the room, instantly turning his back to me.

"Donna, I didn't mean to wake you up but we need you at the office. Now." Liam said. Please no, please don't let anything bad happen to Xaden.

"What the hell happened, Liam? And where the fuck is Kai?" I asked, eager to know. I needed to know what was so urgent, plus didn't Kai say he would be outside my room?

"He- He needed to take care of something. Jay was here and I came to get you because- because it's a bit urgent." Liam was mumbling shit again, it meant that he either was hiding something or he was nervous. I don't think he was nervous, which means he was definitely hiding something.

"I will be there in a few minutes." I said. Liam nodded his head and he left the room.

I started changing into sweatpants and I kept Xaden's t-shirt. I started walking down the stairs heading to the office when I saw that there were maids all over the place, they were cleaning the room that Xaden was in. What the fuck was happening?

I was walking faster to see what the fuck was happening, I looked inside the room and Xaden was not there. I went inside the room and checked all over the place for Xaden and there was no one, but everywhere was still covered in blood, and the maids were cleaning it.

I grabbed one of the younger maids hand, looked at the name tag that was on her breast and asked "Where is Xaden, where did he go, Violet?"

Violet looked at me and then she lowered her gaze and said "Ma'am I am so sorry for your loss, Xaden is dead."

From the corner of my eyes I saw Kai and Jay coming inside but I was already on the floor unconscious.