deep end, cm [ 1 ]

061. elephant's memory

"Here." Jessica gives Spencer a pamphlet. "I found this one. It's for cops so they'll understand the kinda thing. That way you're not just going into a room full of random civilians talking about watching a kid die in the line of duty. These guys will get it along with the addiction."

"I don't wanna go to a meeting." Spencer grumbles.

"Okay, well, you came to me for help, so I will drag you kicking and screaming if I have to." Jessica warns.

"Why can't I just talk to you?" Spencer pouts.

"Baby, I love you, and you know that. And I'm grateful that you trust me enough to let me help you, but I can only help you so much with this. Especially since I don't get it. You need to talk to people who get it."

"Can-- can you come with me?" Spencer timidly asks.

"It's a support group." Jessica says.

"I know, but-- but sometimes they allow moral support." Spencer says. "Plus, they don't even have to know you don't have an addiction. Nobody forces you to talk. You can just sit in the back and be there."

"You want me there?" Jessica asks. Spencer nods, his eyes pleading. "Then I'm there."

+++

Jessica is sitting near the back of the room as the meeting goes on.

"Hi." Spencer nervously starts as the applause dies down. "Um..." He looks at Jessica who offers him a comforting smile. "My name's, uh, Spencer, and I'm a... I don't really know what I am."

"Hi, Spencer." Everybody choruses.

"This is my-- this is my first meeting." Spencer says.

"Welcome." They chorus.

"Thanks. Thank you. Um... I guess, I, uh-- I know I had a... a problem with dilaudid, but, um... I stopped. Like... ten months ago I stopped. I thought it was over, but recently I'm-- I've really been... your literature uses the term "craving." It started like a month ago. I... a-a suspect was murdered in front of me. A-a kid, and I thought that I could save the kid, but I couldn't, and..."

Jessica feels her phone vibrate making her wince.

"Sorry." Spencer mumbles, taking his phone out as it goes off. Jessica quickly takes her phone out, looking at the text from Hotch.

"Shit." She whispers.

"I've seen a lot of that stuff before, but for some reason that kid's face is really, uh... stuck in my brain." Spencer says after putting his phone up. "You know, it's really, uh... and I... I want to forget... about him and... I want to escape."

Their phones go off again.

"I'm sorry." Spencer apologizes. He looks at Jessica who is also holding her phone and she gives him a sad look. "I have to go. I'm sorry."

Jessica gets up, following Spencer outside, the two leaving.

"Okay, so we didn't get to finish that, but-- but you can go again." Jessica says. "And in the meantime, I'll do what I can."

"Mm-hmm." Spencer nods.

"And--"

"Spencer." They turn back at the voice.

"Sorry. I'm-- we're late." Spencer says.

"Places to go, people to profile." The two stop and turn to the man. "You know who I am. Both of you do." Jessica awkwardly smiles.

"Of course I do, sir. I just-- I didn't, um, expect to see a man of your position here." Spencer says.

"Here there's no sirs." He says. "I'm just John here. And this is not something you talk about at the office, especially our office." The couple's phones go off again.