deep end, cm [ 1 ]

041. getting clean

"Here." Jessica gives Spencer a cup of tea which he takes.

"Thanks." He mumbles, cradling the warm cup in both his hands. Jessica sits next to him, pulling her legs up to her chest. The two sit in silence while Spencer sips on the tea.

"Can I ask you a question?" Spencer asks.

"Yeah." Jessica nods.

"What, um... what experience do you have?" Spencer asks. "You know, when it comes to-- to addiction and coddling or tough love?"

"Uh... my uncle. My mom's brother. He was a drug addict." Jessica informs. "He was on and off them since high school. My mom would always do everything to help him. When we were really little, she'd let him stay some nights and we'd just sleep in our parents' room. She'd take him to rehab whenever he relapsed."

"She... she let him stay in the house with kids while he was high?" Spencer asks, unable to stop the bit of judgement that passes through him.

"Well, it's not like he was ever left alone with us. She never fully wanted to, but... I don't know, big sister guilt, I think. Maybe just a feeling of obligation. When my sister was 10, he was staying with us and he was high and he slapped her."

"My mom kicked him out. Their parents were dead, so he didn't have anyone else. He hit rock bottom, got sober. He stayed sober up until my my dad, uh... you know." Jessica says.

"Mm-hmm." Spencer nods.

"He fell off the wagon after that, showed up to their funeral high." Jessica says.

"Where is he now?" Spencer asks.

"No idea." Jessica shrugs. "Haven't seen him since the funeral." Spencer nods.

"I'm sorry... you had to go through that." Spencer says.

"It's fine. Long time ago. Less traumatizing than your father murdering the rest of your family." She remarks.

"I'm sorry again." Spencer tells her. "For... for how I've been acting. I know you just wanted to help, I just..."

"Yeah, I know." Jessica weakly smiles. "I'm, uh... I'm sorry I broke into your apartment."

"Yeah, where'd you learn how to pick a lock, anyway?" Spencer frowns.

"Foster care." Jessica answers.

"Got it." Spencer nods.

"So you... you really want to get clean? Right? It's not just... just a fleet of the moment thing?" Jessica asks.

"I want to get clean." Spencer says. "I... I can't live without this job, I can't lose it. I can't lose you." Jessica gives him a small smile and nods.

"Okay. So we... I mean, going to in-patient rehab would get you kicked out. We want to stay under the radar. Um... quit cold turkey?"

"Quitting any drug cold turkey is really dangerous." Spencer says.

"Well, I took two bottles of dilaudid. I figured that was all you had." Jessica says.

"Yeah, about that." Spencer winces. He grabs his bag and takes out three little bottles, two full and one half empty.

"Oh." She mumbles.

"Sorry." Spencer mutters.

"That-- okay. Good to know." Jessica says. "This is all, right?"

"Mm-hmm. Yeah. Promise." Spencer nods.

"Okay." Jessica sighs. "Uh... okay, we-- we could go to a doctor, they can offer some help. I mean, a doctor isn't gonna report you. Their only job is to make sure you're healthy, right? They can give you resources, you know? They're not gonna barge into the BAU and report you or anything. That way you're not quitting cold turkey."