deep end, cm [ 1 ]

081. the aftermath

Spencer had returned to work the next day, trying to pretend like nothing happened. He stares at the envelope on his desk, analyzing the brunette's handwriting. He hasn't opened it yet. He can't bring himself to open it and read what she wrote to him when she planned to leave without a trace.

"Kid." He jumps when Derek waves his hand in front of his face. Spencer quickly places a file over the envelope. "You all right?"

"What? Yeah. Fine." Spencer says.

"I've been calling your name for, like, five minutes." Derek says. 

"Oh. Sorry. I-I didn't get much sleep last night." Spencer says, rubbing his eyes.

"Hmm." Derek hums. "How's Jess doing?"

"Uh... I don't know." Spencer shrugs.

"You don't..." Derek frowns. "Okay." He mumbles, confused but letting it go for the moment since they're at work.

"Reid." They both look up when Hotch calls for the genius. Hotch motions for Spencer to come to his office. Spencer sighs, getting up and going to his office. Spencer shuts the door behind him, standing in front of Hotch's desk.

"If this is about Jess--" Spencer starts.

"I received her resignation last night." Hotch says. "I'm shocked she managed to keep Garcia from finding out. Her gun and badge were left on her desk."

"Great." Spencer sighs, sitting in one of the chairs.

"Did she discuss any of this with you?" Hotch asks.

"No. No, she... she agreed to stay and then two weeks later, she just... she was going to leave with no goodbye." Spencer says, picking at his nails. "I only got to see her because she didn't leave five seconds sooner."

"If you need to take a couple days off..." Hotch offers.

"I'm fine. I should work." Spencer says. "Are we done?"

"Yeah." Hotch nods.

Spencer gets up and walks out, returning to his desk.

"What was that about?" Emily asks.

"Jessica left." Spencer informs, his heart clenching at the words. His eyes drift over to her desk, all of her stuff still there, untouched. She didn't even want anything from her desk.

"What?" Emily frowns.

"Left? What do you mean?" Derek asks.

"I mean she left. She left the BAU, she left my apartment, she left the city... probably this whole side of the country." Spencer says.

"Wha-- why?" Derek asks. Spencer shrugs.

"She said she couldn't handle it." Spencer says. "Her dad... he took whatever else was left of her... any form of happiness and security. Even with him dead, she can't... she could never get over it. And she never let me in all the way, so..."

"I'm sorry, Reid." Emily frowns.

Derek gets up, going to Garcia's office.

"How are you doing?" Emily asks.

"She left me a letter." Spencer says, a deep frown set on his face. "She was going to leave without a goodbye and just leave me a letter. She knows that what my dad and Gideon did. She knows how much that hurt me... and she planned to do the same thing."

"But you got to say bye to her?" Emily asks.

"Barely." Spencer mumbles. "I got home early with dinner and she was there with her suitcase. I tried to get her to stay, but... she couldn't."