YELLOW | yj x bg

☀︎ twenty eight.

—beomgyu

Everyone says that growing up is not the problem, forgetting is. But I'd like to disagree. Growing up is what I'm most afraid of, letting go of these memories is what I'm most afraid of. So how can they say that to my face so easily?

I don't want to grow up, as childish and pouty as I sound. I just want to stay in my childhood, where everything is child's play and I face everything with a smile on my face. When I used to play with wooden, hand-carved swords warding off imaginary monsters in my backyard.

I took nothing to heart because it was too big, but I'm afraid that as the days drag on, my heart is shrivelling twice as small in size.

My friends are getting tired of the way I act recently, it's evident from the tsk's that leave their mouths and the judging stares they pass at me. I know it already - they're soon going to leave me behind in this race of life, anyway. It's what they grew up believing: everyone is born considering the other as his competitor.

What a horrendous world we are brought into. Where we can't keep a friend unless we betray them behind the back. What does adulthood bring except hardships and unease? Spare me of the wrath and let me stay frozen in my teenage years forever. I don't care what comes with it, I'm ready to face it all.

Every night I pray to an invisible God, with desperation in my voice and a storm in my heart: Please, don't take away my time anymore. I've grown resentful of hearing the clock ticking, seconds passing by.

Seconds that turn into hours. Hours that turn into weeks. And weeks that make up months of my life. All I want is to forget that time exists at all, so that I don't feel guilty for doing activities that my mother considers a 'wastage of time.'

If there's a God, I beg you: Don't make me grow up. Let me stay young forever.