YELLOW | yj x bg

☀︎ thirty one.

Everyday Taehyun return home with legs like sticks, with no skip in his step. His goal since the moment he reaches school is to get back home as quickly as possible. He quickly grabs his bicycle and pedals his way home like he's never pedaled before.

On the way home, he thinks about how Beomgyu is so different than him... he's so determined to finish even the simplest of tasks. Ever since Taehyun met him, he's been immersed in nothing but confusion.

He was confused why Beomgyu doesn't spend his time the way the other teenagers these days do: Bingewatching kdramas, fangirling over their favourite boy groups, gossipping and chit chatting to pass their time.

Taehyun has been programmed to look for the endgoal in everything, whether it was catching a coffee before heading off to school, or completing his homework before 9 pm.

Time-orientation was his forte; he wanted to be done with everything so he could spend his free time however he wants to, but the fact that Beomgyu had not a single goal in sight took him by surprise.

A person doesn't come without their flaws, of which Beomgyu has many, as do the rest of us.

To be completely frank, Beomgyu might possibly be the dumbest person Taehyun knows... but in a good, non-pretending way. But that assumption of his came crumbling down today.

"I'm afraid, Taehyun. I'm afraid I have no dreams, the ones you tell me to chase after." Beomgyu paused. He bit his lip in deep contemplation before continuing, "I don't really have anything I want to chase after."

Sensing the seriousness in his voice, Taehyun also gave him the best reply he could muster. "That's okay. Chasing your dreams are overrated anyways," He reiterated the same realisation that kept him up last night.

"My only dream in life is to just get through the day, by and by, however I can. Even if I break down in tears or end my day having a great time with you guys, I just want to pass my time until the day ends. But these days," He curls his fingers to make a small fist. "I'm finding it so hard."

His voice cracks, as if he's shouldering the entire world and the burden is getting heavier and heavier each day, "I'm finding it so hard to get out of a bed. Even putting on my clothes feels like such an insurmountable task."

'Ah,' Taehyun thinks to himself. 'So that's why he's been asking me to help him with homework and walking him home.'

"It's like-" Beomgyu loses track of his words. "I've found myself in a loop lately, in a rat race. I'm unable to get out, to escape each day."

Taehyun hums, too well-aware of the feeling himself. "Do you mean you wake up every day just to wait for it to end?"

Beomgyu smiled to himself as he wiped a tear away. "You're a natural at this, Taehyun. You're able to put my thoughts into words more fluently than I can."

Beomgyu's gaze drops down. He continues, "I hope you don't hate me for saying this, Taehyun, but I've been incredibly selfish... Somedays I wake up and I wish that I wasn't living at all. Isn't that incredibly foolish of me? Here I am, wishing my life would end when there are people around the world who are fighting death everyday just so that they can get another chance at life again."

Taehyun breathed out, thinking to himself how similar he and Beomgyu were. All this time, he thought they had nothing in common. "It's not selfish to wish you weren't living. Every one of us struggles with that same thought from time to time. Why are you so bothered by what other people think, anyways? Just live life based on your own terms."

"You're right," Beomgyu silently wiped a tear from his cheeks and nods understandingly. "From now on, I'll aim to do just that."