STATIC (LGBT)

Chapter 10

 Not that I haven’t realized it in the past month but my thoughts, my mind, has been in full out confusion. Before, I’d be totally sure of what I was doing, what was happening to me, my relationship with people and all… but ever since Zoë came into the picture things haven’t been as usual.

It’s pretty accurate to say that unusual has become the new normal.

That’s why by now, I wasn’t surprised that Zoë told me to prepare a piece I would play at the party. That, in exchange for me getting involved with any of the preparations. I was happy with that, but not happy with the fact I’d have to play in front of 40+ people… especially in front of Heather.

You see, when you play music the best performances, the best transmission is when you add feelings to it. If not people are not convinced. How do I know this despite not having played for years in front of a public? I just know. That’s what critics evaluate and even musicians ourselves when we listen to others. Due to that, I’d have to reveal some kind of emotion to everyone but showing it to Heather was different. Too different.

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Heather grabbed me by my shoulders and lightly squeezed them in a strange response to… well, my own reciprocation. She had started kissing me, and whatever it was that she made to me had me responding to every single movement she was doing. It was so strange in terms of that I’d never REALLY kissed anyone before like this. Not full-out make-out. Or what I consider that to be so far.

I didn’t know what to expect, yet I didn’t mind what I received.

I don’t know how much longer after but Heather seemed to have decided that I wasn’t going anywhere. Before, she hadn’t broken the kiss or moved her hands from my shoulder, but now she set her ARMS on my shoulders and I think I could feel her grab her hands behind my neck. And that was all after she had raised my glasses up on my hair.

How could she be so comfortable when she barely knew me? I mean, the situation is even worse than with Jessica - if we’re talking about this- and that had been pretty bad.

What’s worse even FURTHER is the question that wasn’t exactly in my head, but it was roaming somewhere as a strand of thought that I couldn’t really catch onto.

She pulled back, and scanned my eyes with her pale green ones for a few seconds while I just stared at her. I didn’t realize it then, but I recognized again that feature of mine that made me loathe public appearances… I was too observant. Now, it played against me again because instead of acting I’d only watch and wait for what the other person would do. It was, I think, the same thing that had been happening with Jessica… and with Zoë.

And so I watched her eyes move but I couldn’t really read her expression, or read her thoughts. I could one wait for her next action. I did, and it was to approach her pretty face towards me again.

I didn’t know, that when you start closing your eyes the last thing you see it’s the person’s jaw line and lips… excluding the face that was simply beautiful in Heather…

So exactly when I thought of that, I realized what was happening, and that’s also when the school bell ending lunch rang as well.

My reflexes made me grab her waist, the only part I could really be able to move to right now and push her back just as her lips brushed mine. I thanked my unconscious guts there again because soon there were people coming up the stairs and they would’ve been able to see us since we were at the ledge.

My eyes went back to Heather quickly unconsciously and she had the same expression she had had before she kissed me. Parted lips with a faint hint of a smile that were facing my direction and tempted me to go back to them. She then closed them, and that made me look again at her eyes that gazed me tranquilly.