This Is Everything I Didn't Say [EN]

Through The Wire

At school I have friends
Well dozens of people around
Some of them only I know about
But feels like it's just an illusion
So close but so far away

And I also got pals I've met
Through a fandom
My family, where I belong
A crazy group of people
We call ourselves 'Directioners'

So far away but so close
So far way we are
From one another
Whether we're apart
Or together forever
We're so close yet so far

We keep and share secrets
Those nobody else knows about
Those people criticize about
We support each other
Come hell or high water

Through the years
Stronger we've become
Through the fights, hate, rumors
Through the wire
In touch we kept and still do

And we don't let go
We can't let go
All the memories we've made
All the laughs we've shared
All the tears upon Them
We shed, it was all worth it

This is my family
Where I have always belonged
This is my family

Our feelings are real
Because we're humans
Doesn't matter if it's only like that
Through the wire
We'll make it

The band was made in the PM
We plan on staying until tomorrow
Cause tomorrow never dies
And we'll make it
Through the night

We gotta make it through
Because we promised to Them
And they promised to us
We won't forget each other
I'll always remember our story
Because my life's been irreversibly changed.

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[NOTE FROM 2024-10-20]

This was written from the point of view of 15-year-old me that turned out to be a huge One Direction fan. I have no shame in admitting I still adore their music - hate me if you will.

Now, it took me a while to come around and find a way to find the strength to put this into words... In the wake of Liam Payne's recent passing, I felt my inner child resurface and alongside her, plenty of memories that made up for her teenage struggles. Feeling like I've been forced to grow up too fast, deep down I think that I was still a child back then.

I was 12, nearing to 13 years of age, when I fell in love with this worldwide phenomenon that bore the name of One Direction. They had just released their single "Best Song Ever", and I couldn't have been more enchanted. I was engulfed into their bewildering and most passionately appalling journey, a stairways to heaven, or what I imagined to be like adulthood - and I met some of my greatest friends that I still cherish to this day like sisters of my own. The fandom represented my safe space, a place for me to grow and learn and express my truest self.

Just like millions of fans, I didn't just lose my favorite singer this week. I lost someone I looked up to in my worst times, someone I admired very, very, very deeply. Someone whose smile and voice and lyrics helped me find my light again. Someone that helped me nurture my own spark and develop my creativity, hence my growing aspiration as a poet back then. Liam helped shaping the person I grew up to be, and a part of me died with him a few days ago. I've been going through the past days while feeling stuck in some sort of perpetual mental haze, almost like it's a dream - though it has nothing dreamlike. Nothing feels real, and I still can't wrap my mind around the reality that he is, as matter of fact, gone.

I love him more and beyond words can express, and I'll forever be thankful for everything he brought to the band  and to my life.

~ Hope you find your peace, our dear Lima Bean <3 ~

Plume.