Faulty Trust || Katie McCabe

27

I was convinced the world was closing in on me while I sat on the couch in Viv and Beth's living room. I hadn't had a sip of alcohol because I was driving Katie and myself home tonight, but I was starting to wish I hadn't offered to do that.

Wally and Leah's eyes had been beating down on me almost all night anytime Katie was near me, and I was hyper aware of the fact that they were the only ones who knew about the Bayern offers. What was supposed to be a fun team party had quickly started to feel like I was a test subject in a science experiment. I knew the LWs wanted what was best for me, but I still had that underlying fear of everything that could go wrong if I told Katie. Even more so if I didn't and she found out through the grapevine.

I couldn't take it anymore and stood up to slip away towards the kitchen, where I knew the less rowdy people had found shelter. When I arrived, I was met with Viv and Lotte conversing in quieter Dutch. I often forgot that Lotte knew a fair bit of Dutch.

"Hey Em, you alright?" Viv's softer voice was a stark contrast to everyone else in the living room, and her ugly Christmas sweater brought a smile to my face. "You look tense," she added.

I scoffed slightly, "If only you knew," I mumbled before quickly changing the subject. "Yeah, no, I'm fine; I just haven't had anything to drink tonight because I'm driving Katie and I back home tonight." Viv hummed, evidently catching the words I'd mumbled under my breath, but she hadn't mentioned it.

"How's the collarbone?" Lotte carried on changing the subject, much to my delight.

I gave her a lighter grin, "Yeah, it's feeling much better. I'll be back in full training after the break like nothing ever happened." She gave me a genuine smile that made me forget the heaviness in my heart, and I found myself getting carried away in conversation with the two of them.

Sometimes it was nice to step away from the chaos that came with Arsenal; as much as I loved everyone, it became a lot to manage from time to time. I found safety in the likes of Viv and Lotte, especially when I wasn't with the group of Wally, Leah, Kim, and Laura. The older I got, the more I found myself with the quieter group simply because I didn't feel like waking up with a raging headache after every team party or night out. Though I'd still occasionally wake up with them because Katie or Leah dragged me away from the quieter group and forced me to have a good time. I was grateful for everyone in different ways, and I was glad I could play both parts and still have a good time no matter what.

Time passed faster than I had realised while I was talking to Viv and Lotte; the three of us had no idea it was nearing one in the morning because we were too caught up in a conversation about God knows what. It was getting slightly too intellectual for me, but I still gave my input here and there. Viv and Lotte seemed to appreciate it, so I never made a move to leave.

A door flying open was what finally caused a break in our conversation, and we all looked to see who'd entered the kitchen this time. Of course it was Katie.

"Are yous ready to leave Em?" Clearly, Katie was maybe a little more than tipsy, but she wasn't entirely drunk. I gave her a knowing smile before turning back to Viv and Lotte, bidding them goodbye.

"Yeah, let's get going." I slipped my arm around her waist, ignoring the pit forming in my stomach, and guided her out of the house and to the car. As soon as I'd gotten into my car after leaving Viv and Beth's, a heaviness washed over me. The subtle looks Lia and Leah had been giving me the entire time appeared in the forefront of my head yet again. It made me feel like I was going insane.

I was going insane.

The words died at the tip of my tongue every time I tried to tell Katie about Bayern. I didn't even know why this was such a big deal; I was going to decline the deal anyway. Why couldn't I just tell Katie that? Why was this so hard?