Faulty Trust || Katie McCabe

04

I plopped on the couch as soon as I entered my flat, not bothering to shower or change. I felt numb. Memories of my past life in Ireland flooding through my mind, unwilling to disappear no matter how hard I shoved them away. I'd go back in time and change it, but I can't.

The couch dipped beside me, but I made no effort to move my legs so Wally could comfortably sit on the couch. She didn't say anything about it either, which I was grateful for. I stared at the artwork I had put up on my walls the other day, both of which were works of Sam Park. My favourite artist by far, his style captivated me in so many different ways. One of my favourites, which I'd been lucky enough to come across while in Amsterdam, was Sunset of Amsterdam. I think I loved the city just as much as the painting.

Wally let out a soft sigh before picking up my legs and setting them across her lap in efforts to get herself into a comfortable position. She knew I wouldn't talk unless I wanted to, which I was grateful for because I wasn't one to talk unless I truly needed to. I was stubborn. Just like Katie. But that wasn't always a good thing, and I'd learnt that over the years. The longer you hold on to those uncomfortable feelings that begin to eat away at you, the worse you begin to feel. It can tear you apart.

"Are you fine with sushi?" Lia asked without looking up. My eyes flickered to her face for a moment, causing her to look up as well. Her eyes deceived her, showing the worry that was clearly present in her soft eyes, but she still wouldn't initiate the conversation that was bound to happen at some point tonight.

Ignoring her gaze, I nodded before shifting myself to my back, so I was now staring at the ceiling. If I had a dollar for the number of times I'd laid on my back and stared blankly at the ceiling, I would be a billionaire.

Why did she bring it up in front of everyone like that? The whole team didn't need to know our teenage drama; that's not something of their concern. Yes, I know she's hurting, but so am I. I have just as much of a reason to be angry at her as she does me, but that isn't a reason to explode on me in front of teammates. It was immature.

I needed to text Beth, knowing her the whole team would probably know about Katie and I's fight by the morning.

I wasn't sure how much time had passed until Lia moved my legs off her lap and retrieved our takeout from the door. Sitting up, I uttered a soft 'thank you' before taking the plate of sushi as she sat back down next to me.

We ate in silence, simply enjoying each other's presence. Though I could tell Lia wanted to talk about what had happened, and I knew I needed to. It just hurt.

"Em," Wally began. She set her chopsticks down, turning towards me slightly. "I know you probably don't want to, but do you want to talk about it?" Her voice was soft, offering me safety and encouragement. Something she often provided for me; that was enough of a push to get me talking.

"I just don't get it." I dropped my eyes to my lap, pushing aside my sushi. "Why in front of a bunch of teammates?"

Lia gave me a look of sympathy: "Katie's too stubborn to back down in front of people. You of all people know that."

"I know," I whispered quietly. "I just wish—" I cut myself off. It wasn't a feasible thought; I can't change the past.

"Maybe you should talk to her," I scoffed. I knew she was right, but are Katie and I having a civil conversation? It'd end in a fight.

"Of course it's not going to be easy; you're going to argue, but that's the only way through it, Emely." Wally read my mind, and I closed my eyes in defeat. My chest felt heavy, all the emotions from years of distress piling on top of me. Years of miscommunication, years of silence, years of hurt, years of pain. I wanted it to all stop; I wanted everything to go back to how it was when we were teenagers; I missed that. I missed her.