Full Moon Under You

Chapter 15

Derek walked me to his car. We drove to the edge of a mountain that overlooked the small town.

He parked the car, then turned to me.

I couldn't look at him. I couldn't be weak. I meant what I said to him last week, but his eyes, they always draw me back in.

"When I was 16, most of my family died in a fire."

Oh, come on. When someone tells you something like that you have to look at them.

"They were trapped inside the house and couldn't get out. Peter was there and he saw all of it, but he survived." He sighed and leaned back in his seat. "We knew it wasn't an accident. My sister spent years trying to figure out who did it. Unfortunately, Peter killed her before she could make any progress. He wanted to be an alpha so he could get revenge himself.

"Years later, when Peter turned Scott, the puzzle pieces started to come together. Allison actually helped a lot with that. Allison's aunt, Kate, and I..." Derek put his hands over his face. "She used me. She made me fall in love with her. She got all of the details about my family, my home from me. I didn't know she was a hunter and I didn't know she didn't believe in their family's code."

"She killed your family." I said.

"Yes. I've spent years trying to convince myself it's not my fault, but she only knew about things because of me. If I wouldn't have been so naive, I would've been able to see all the signs.

"A year after Peter killed Kate, I dated this girl named Paige. She was really sweet, but she was human and I knew it was a risk. The one time she caught me in the middle of a fight between another pack. A werewolf from the other pack slashed her stomach. I thought she was going to die. Peter bit her and we thought that it was going to save her. But... she rejected the bite."

Derek was silent for a long time and I had no words.

"You have every reason to be angry with me, Ky. You can walk out of this car and never talk to me again, and I'd understand. I just didn't want you to think that I was so hesitant about us because of you. It was never because of you. I let everything from my past dictate how I reacted when you said you wanted more. You are the person I have been longing for all these years. I'm just terrified that something will happen to you because of me. I thought it'd be better if I didn't let it get to that point."

I was conflicted. I was still hurt, but now I understood. I hadn't even realized I'd taken such offense to how Derek reacted because somewhere deep down I thought he was just using me. I sighed.

"My parents were drug addicts. Jax and Emily were able to escape, but I couldn't. Jax tried for two years, but my parents were good at covering their tracks. I had to stay and leave school to support myself. If my parents needed something and I didn't comply," I lifted up my shirt to show him, "they would hurt me. Some of their druggie friends would try to touch me. That's why I can't move when something like that happens.

"I stayed with them until I was 18, moved out, and found Jax and Emily. I- I thought you were just going to use me. I couldn't put myself through that again."

Derek nodded and leaned back in his seat again. We sat there silent. Both of us were trying to process what the other had told us. Even more, what we both felt.

Derek broke the silence and said, "We're fucked up aren't we?"

I turned and punched him on the shoulder and started laughing. 

Then Derek started laughing. I'd missed his laugh so much more than I realized.

Once we stopped, I reached over and pulled him into a hug. He grabbed me and started to pet my hair. 

I missed his smell. I missed his touch. I missed his voice. I missed everything about him.

The hurt will always be there, but now I can push it to the back of my mind and focus on the future.

Derek pulled away and gazed into my eyes.

"I think I want something more. Not right now, not right away, but I'm willing to start."