Just a Crush: Dear Diary (Oli Sykes)

Chapter Fourteen: Mortify Me

'Nothing interesting's happened today. I want to write something, but I'm quite honestly out of words.'

"Blimey, that was so good!" Gemma exclaimed and threw her arms around me when we came backstage. I couldn't register what she was saying. "Has Oli left?" I asked, looking around. I felt the need to talk to him about what had happened. "Aye, he left like 5 minutes ago," Laurie told me. "Gem, do you have my phone?" I asked. She handed it to me without a comment. I took it and walked away. I looked for Oli's number in my contacts and rang him. He didn't answer, so I tried again. Nothing. I sighed and went back. "Is anything the matter?" Gemma asked. "I don't know. Probably not," I muttered. "Why on Earth are you frowning, Leonora? You just destroyed that song. It's time to celebrate at the after party," Mickey said from beside me, startling me. "Right, I've forgot about that," I said. "Oh, by the way, the rest of you can come, too," Mickey told Gemma and Laurie, realising that he hasn't invited my mates yet. "No, that's alright, I think we'll turn in early tonight. We're all a bit tired," Gemma said, looking at Laurie for backup. "Aye, we are," he nodded. I dunno why they didn't want to join us, but I didn't question it. "Could I just shower and change before?" I asked. "Of course, I think we're all going to do just that," Mickey said. "Well then, what are we waiting for? Let's go," I grinned. "Uh, sorry, love, but we still have to put our equipment in the van," he chuckled at my eagerness. "Right, sorry. We can help you," I volunteered my friends. "You sure?" He asked. "Of course," Laurie nodded. We called Dom and Anika over and told them of our plan for the next 20 or so minutes. They didn't object. I think Anika was happy because she'd get to be around BMTH a bit longer.

When we were finished, we all went to our neighbouring bungalows. There was still no sign of Oli anywhere. I started worrying, honestly, so I sent him a message.

LenTommy: Are you okay?
LenTommy: Did I do something?
LenTommy: I'm sorry

He didn't reply, which made me think I did do something. Did he perhaps feel the change in me? Did he somehow know that my feelings for him intensified? I wouldn't act on them! I promised him I wouldn't. He had to believe me, right? Right. I'd just ask Mat about it. He was Oli's best mate. He surely had to know something.

I showered and washed my make-up off, and then I redid it, this time adding mascara. I let my hair fall anywhere it wanted, and then I left the bathroom, wrapped in a towel. I opened my room and screamed when I saw Oli sitting on my bed. "What the bloody hell are you doing here?" I shrieked. "Shit, sorry. Gemma said you were in the bathroom. I didn't know you were taking a shower, sorry. I obviously thought you'd be dressed," he blushed furiously and buried his face in his hands. "Just don't look until I tell you to, alright?" I asked. "I wouldn't," his voice was muffled. I held the towel up as I scavanged my suitcase for something to wear. "Oli?" I asked. "What?" He said. "What should I wear? Look away, you git," I exclaimed as he looked at me to answer. "Sorry," he cringed. "I dunno. What have you brought with you?" He asked. "Mostly band shirts and skinny jeans. I do have one skirt, though. The one I wore for my birthday," I said, and then my eyes widened in embarrassment. "No, don't wear that. Jeans and a shirt will do nicely," he muttered. I nodded, although he obviously couldn't see me. I expertly put on a pair of knickers and a bra without losing the towel. I did discard it when my private bits were covered, though. I think he must have heard the towel landing on the floor because he looked up again. "Oliver! I said I'd let you know when I was dressed," I said through grit teeth. "Sorry," he cringed again and turned around. I sighed nervously and pulled on a striped shirt, a Sum41 T-shirt over it, and a pair of grey, ripped skinny jeans. "Alright, it's safe to look now," I said as I was pulling on my socks. "Thank God," he let out a long sigh. "What are you thanking God for? This could have been avoided if you'd just not come in here unannounced," I rolled my eyes. I never thought Oli seeing me basically naked would annoy me as much as it did. "I'm sorry," he pouted. "What are you doing here, anyway?" I asked, sitting next to him. "I needed to speak to you," he said. "What about? Are you angry with me?" I asked nervously. "Why would I be angry?" He seemed confused. "Because you stormed off after Hospital, and you haven't answered any of my calls or messages. I was a bit worried, me," I admitted. "Sorry about that. I needed to think. I, uh, well, I was a bit overwhelmed after the last song," he said quietly. "Me too," I said, my volume matching his. "I saw," he said. "I never expected it to feel the way it did," I told him. "Neither did I. I cried after I left," he admitted. "You did?" I was surprised to hear him speak so honestly about it. "I wasn't sad or anything. But I felt so many things at once that I just couldn't take it. I started crying before I could even stop myself... D'you know what I mean? The feeling of not being able to breathe properly because you're so, well, overwhelmed? Heart aching, palms sweating, lip quivering, heart rate out of control, the lot?" Oli explained and asked at the same time. "I do know. That's how I felt before 'hold me close, don't let go,' that's why I had to turn around," I admitted. "Leonora, I think I want to sing with you again..." he said. I wanted to agree with all I had, but I didn't know whether my heart could take singing with him again. As dramatic as it sounds, I think you're your purest self when you sing, and doing that with him once was enough for now. "Maybe someday," I said, deciding to keep the truth to myself. He regarded me with furrowed brows for a moment. Could he tell that I was afraid to sing with him again? "I also wanted to tell you that you really were amazing tonight. I couldn't say that earlier, but you deserve to know," he muttered. I guess not. "Thank you, Oli. You were, too, although I'm sure you already knew that," I chuckled. "So, you enjoyed the concert?" He asked with a happy smile. Finally. "I did. I've seen quite a few in the past two days, but you lads outshined everyone else by far. I'm really glad you didn't decide to pursue a teaching career three years ago," I joked. "All thanks to you," he grinned. "Well, I am known for my great advice," I said with a straight face. "What? Not for being the first female lorry driver?" He asked. "That, too," I giggled, and he laughed with me for a moment.