Just a Crush: Dear Diary (Oli Sykes)

Chapter Nineteen: Turbulence

'It's been a week since I've tried to snog Oli. I have to tell you a secret, diary. Not even Gem knows this, but yesterday, I cut myself because I couldn't shut out the voices in my head. It felt good to feel physical pain. And I didn't go too deep this time. I went just deep enough to feel that sweet sting. Now I'm afraid I'll do it again. What should I do?'

"Morning," I greeted my mates when I returned to our bungalow at 10. "Why the hell were you up and shouting at 7 in the morning?" Dom asked with a glare. "Sorry, Oli was being a git," I explained. "Aye, we heard everything," Laurie said with annoyance in his voice. "Right, anyway, how was yesterday?" I asked, changing the subject. "Oh, you missed the best concerts, Tommy! Black Veil Brides were amazing. That Andy Biersack is so dreamy," Gemma gushed. "Oi! Are you forgetting your boyfriend's right here?" Laurie grouched. "She's right, y'know," Anika added. "Oh, don't you start, too," Dom whinged. "But he is dreamy, though," I agreed with the girls. "S'not fair! You outnumber us if you agree, Leonora," Laurie said. "It is what it is," Gemma shrugged. "So, where were you until now?" Anika asked. "Oh, I had coffee with Oli in Manchester," I said. They all looked at me with some sort of indecipherable expressions on their faces. "What?" I asked. "Can I talk with you in private?" Gemma asked, pulling me outside by my arm without giving me a chance to reply. "What did you want to chat about?" I asked. "Not here," she shook her head and pulled me to that bench I sat on with Oli days ago. "I haven't seen you in almost two days, mate. Care to explain?" She accused. "I'm sorry... I was with Remmy, and then I slept, and after that, I was with Oli..." I muttered. "I know that. What happened with them is what I'm interested in," she grinned wickedly. "Oh my God, Gem, what didn't?" I exclaimed. "Did you lose your virginity?" She asked a bit loudly. "No, but I snogged Remmy. Several times. And we got matching tattoos," I showed her my wrist. "That's a bit cute, innit?" She gushed. "It is! And get this, he said that if we're single by 30, we should get married," I squealed, and she joined me. "Tell me more," she demanded, and I told her everything we chatted about and how it made me feel. "That's bloody brilliant! Why wouldn't your relationship work at this time, though? I reckon you could make it work if you tried," she commented. "He said he'd never met someone worth settling down for. Why would he do that for me? We haven't known each other that long, y'know? Plus, I don't want to be in a relationship with anyone until I figure out my whole thing with Oli. Because I think I'm starting to catch feelings again. After that bloody concert, everything's more real and weirder, somehow. He's been acting strange since before the concert. And he gets annoyed every time I even mention Remmy," I explained. "He was so bloody weird yesterday, mate. He kept asking if you'd messaged me. And if you were on a date with Remmy or if it was just friendly. And get this. That Hannah girl who's completely in love with him joined us in VVIP around 1 yesterday, and he broke things off with her completely. In front of us. It was so awkward, Len. She called him many, many, many really horrible things, but he seemed so unphased. And after she'd left, he asked where you were. Again. And I told him, I said that I didn't bloody know anything and that he should just fucking ring you or something if he was so obsessed with you. Which made Mickey and Jordan laugh. Oli told them to fuck off and then he left. And oh my bloody God, Leonora, I found out what Oli and Mickey chatted about at the Blink 182 concert. Apparently, Oli chewed Mickey's head off for flirting with you. He didn't go into too much detail, but he made it sound as if Oli bloody Sykes was jealous or something," she relayed the story with wide eyes. "Was he really? Cause I've been wondering the same thing about his reactions to Remmy and I, y'know. He said that I shouldn't waste my time on him, that he didn't like him for me because I've known him for five minutes," I told her. "So? He makes you happy, don't he?" She scoffed. "Aye, that's what I've told him, me. We fought quite a bit this morning. About Remmy, about what I need and our friendship or lack thereof. And then he suddenly became really open and honest about what he's been going through, his demons, and all that. And he's told me that if I ever want to cut again, I should call him and talk to him about it. Oh my God, and he said if I was so afraid of him not contacting me, I should just join him on tour or something," I told her. "He what? He's so bloody confusing. Does he suddenly like you back?" She asked. "I dunno. I don't think so," I shook my head. "But didn't he sleep in your bed tonight?" She asked. "He did! Blimey, I almost forgot about that. He woke me up yesterday, told me he was worried about me, hugged me when I cried and then he said that if I didn't feel like going to the festival, we could just watch a movie together. I told him, Gem, I said that I didn't want to be a nuisance and that he probably wants to hang out with his mates, and he got a bit annoyed and said that he liked spending time with me. Again. And then I forced him to watch Twilight with me. But get this. When we came inside and he unlocked his computer, Twilight was already on! He said that he knew me, and he bloody does, apparently, cause he already knew I'd want to watch Twilight AND he agreed to it without my asking! How bloody sweet is that?" I gushed with utter annoyance. "That is literally the sweetest!" Gemma agreed. "Aye! And this morning, he joked about me having dreams about him shirtless. Gem, was he flirting with me?" I asked. "I mean, it did sound quite cheeky," she nodded. "He said he likes me. And that he loves spending time with me. Not just likes. LOVES. That's what he said this morning. And he invited me to watch three concerts with him tonight. Plus, he's been a bit weird with his eye contact," I continued. "What'd'you mean?" She asked. "Like, sometimes, he says something really sweet or something and won't look at me when he does it," I explained. "Does he really?" Her eyes widened. "Aye, he does!" I exclaimed. "Tommy, it sounds like he has a crush on you or something," she said seriously. "But he said he wants us to be mates! I can hardly control my feelings as it is. What am I supposed to do with that thought at the back of my mind?" I whinged. "Are you daft? If he likes you, and you like him, why don't you do something about it?" Gemma asked. "Because what if we're wrong? I don't want to lose him because of a stupid misinterpretation," I pointed out. "You're right. Then just wait and see if he does something," she suggested. "Alright, yeah, that sounds like a good plan," I nodded. "Of course, it's a good plan. I am the brains of this operation, aren't I?" She joked. "Aye, you are," I nodded. "Maybe I could hint that he ought to make a move?" She suggested. "No, don't. You're too blunt," I refused. "Fine. Then I'll just observe him today and see if we're right or not, alright?" Gemma said. "Deal," I grinned. After that, we went back to our bungalow. Everyone was getting ready for the last day of the festival. I was already dressed, but I did put make-up on.