Just a Crush: Dear Diary (Oli Sykes)

Chapter Twelve: Laugh

'I'd been ignoring Oli all week. He had no right to tell my parents I've been hurting myself. That's my own personal business. Today, he got angry with me and forced me to tell him why I'm not speaking with him. He said that proper adults talk about what's bothering them.'

After the concert, my mates and I left the Bring Me The Horizon lads to do their own thing, and went to our bungalow. Luckily, the bungalow had three separate rooms, so I wouldn't be forced to sleep in one room with two couples. The walls were, however, quite thin, and once we'd gone to bed, I could hear conversations and giggling and kissing on both sides. They put me in the middle bedroom, so Gem and Dom wouldn't hear anything if anything were to happen with their respective partners. But, I would now have to hear all of it. I tried falling asleep for over an hour before I had had enough. I got out of my uncomfortable bed with a sigh, pulled a pair of leggings over my knickers, a black hoodie over my head, put on my Vans, grabbed my headphones, my phone, and my cigarettes, and then I left. It was almost 4 in the morning, and I was wide awake. I felt tired but not sleepy. I blasted Linkin Park through the headphones as I sat down on a bench nearby. I put a cigarette between my lips, lit it, and inhaled slowly. I watched as the puff of smoke I exhaled mixed with the night air and started thinning, thinning, and thinning until it disappeared forever.

What was I doing alone at a festival in the middle of the night? I should've found someone to be with, right? But there really wasn't any time today. Not between all the time I spent with my mates and then with the lads... maybe I'll take Mickey up on his offer to wing-man for me tomorrow. I am not spending the entire festival as a fifth wheel.

My phone vibrated in my hands, startling me. I looked at the notification and saw that it was a message on Instagram. My eyebrows knit together when I saw who it was from. I hated opening the chat with him because it was just a series of unanswered messages from me. I tried ignoring them and only focusing on what Oli had written now.

olobersykes: Are you up?
olobersykes: I saw you were active and thought I might give it a try.
LenTommy: I'm up.
olobersykes: How come?
LenTommy: I'm stuck between two couples. The walls are thin... you can fill in the blanks.
olobersykes: RIP
olobersykes: if it makes you feel better, I'm sleeping in a bungalow with four lads who snore when they're drunk :P
LenTommy: Aye, it makes me feel better. xD
olobersykes: so are you in your bungalow right now?
LenTommy: No. I went outside for a smoke.
olobersykes: where exactly?
LenTommy: The benches on the left of the bungalows. Why?
olobersykes: Are you alone?
LenTommy: Aye.
olobersykes: I'll be right there:)
LenTommy: You don't have to. I'm fine on my own.

What do I do now? I really shouldn't be alone with him. I don't want to see him. At least I don't think I do. Perhaps I could go back inside to avoid being alone with him. But a massive part of me does want to see him and be alone with him and chat with him because we really haven't in a long time. I nervously pulled my sleeves lower, and I kept glancing around. I noticed him before he noticed me, I reckon. He was staring at the ground as he approached me from round the corner. I frowned and turned away, pretending to be busy with my cigarette. I felt a tap on my shoulder, and I looked up. He was smiling nervously, I think, and I removed my headphones. "What were you listening to?" He asked. "Linking Park," I muttered. "Ah," he nodded and sat next to me on the bench. I pulled my legs up and crossed them. It made me feel calmer and safer. He was less chatty in person than over Instagram. The silence that enveloped us gave my mind time to be flooded by a thousand thoughts at once. But one ruled over all: the memory of my move on him. I don't know if he's thought about it since then, but I have. Constantly. Even more so when we were completely alone in the middle of the night. "Oli -" I started at the same time as he said, "Leonora -."