My Sun and Moon (Akaza x OC)

Chapter 16: Guilt

She did not turn when she sensed him beside her, nor could she ask his stream of what seemed to be never ending questions. Not that she purposefully ignored him, it was more so that she couldn't respond. The blood rushing through her ears pounded, drowning out any sound other than the internal screams demanding she return. The inner animalistic nature of demons she had shoved away gnawing on the back of her mind. She had no choice when eating the first human, she would try her damndest to keep herself from doing it again. She would have control over herself, over her urges. Not the other way around. If she couldn't have her old life back, she was going to at least have her sense of self. A burning fire inside of her chest, an echo of her human self, demanded that she fight against the animalistic nature that had been forced upon her, to fight with every ounce of newfound strength she had been given. And perhaps in the end, fight against the control that their Lord Muzan held over her.

The thrumming sound of the blood in her ears seemed to quiet when she felt a grip on her shoulder, pulling her out of the never ending spiral of her thoughts that she tried to think of to pull her out of it. Whirling her head to the side as drool spilled out the sides of her mouth, she turned her attention towards the person who had grabbed her. Akaza. She was sure she had looked like a different person at that moment, hungry, her eyes crazed. It had embarrassed her. To have him see her like this, but he did not stir. His face, no matter how much she seethed, remained the same calm blank expression. She could see behind the calm demeanor, the immediate disgust of her nature, though he swiftly pushed it away. Back to wherever he stashed away his emotions when he felt they were no longer needed. She would not blame him, she would have thought the same. This understanding had not been out of self pity she knew, none of this that she felt for herself was ever self pity, just pure anger and disgust with whom she had become. In essence, she was a newly created demon prancing around in the world experiencing its new desires and abilities for the first time, much like that of a newborn.

"What happened back there?" She finally heard Akaza's voice.

That had been all it took, hearing his voice, to silence the gnawing screams in the back of her mind. She turned away from him, her eyebrows narrowed in anger as she stared at the curving indents of the bark of the fir tree she clung to.

"When does it stop?" She quietly asked. Her other hand grabbed a hold of the other side of the tree and dug, its trunk began to groan the more she pressed deeper into its base. It'd give way soon if she kept this up. Would it wake the villagers? She wondered.

She heard the crunching of the dead pine needles and branches as he stepped closer to her. "It never will, it will be a constant curse and menace to your mind. A reminder of what you are." he paused, more than likely watching as Nagano pressed her forehead against the tree. "Though in time you'll learn to silence it, to the point it'll be no louder than a soft whisper."

"But I don't want to be like this until that time comes. Let alone have to deal with said urges for however long it'll take." She angrily dug more, the tree finally giving way as the remaining pieces of the trunk gave way falling to the side with a large thud. The two stood there in that silence.

"I know," he slowly spoke, she watched in the corner of her eyes as he looked away from her, his hands clenched into fists. "This is why I didn't want to force you, I wanted to wait until you personally wished to become this.." Her eyebrows rose for a moment, curious at the anger in his voice.

"I know," she nodded, "And I had appreciated that back then." she paused. "I'm sorry for the shouting, all that arguing."

"About the fire Hashira?" He turned to face her now, confused. "You have no reason to apologize, he was a friend I presume, an ally. I kept that secret from you. You had every right to be angry."