Criminal Minds x Reader

Professionalism [A.H] pt. 1

Your relationship with your boss was new, in more ways than one. It was the first time for him to date anyone since Haley's death, your first time to feel deep feelings for someone, and you two had been dating for only a few months. The privacy was challenging, but necessary. Working in the Behavioral Analysis Unit meant keeping personal lives separate from work. Aaron Hotchner, your boss, was professional to a fault. You were, too, but not till it hurt.

Lately, things hadn't been any different. The subtle glances shared during briefings, the occasional brush of hands when no one was looking — it was getting harder to keep the boundary between professional and personal.

Tonight was no different. You had been called in to work on a new case — a series of kidnappings across three states. The whole team was gathered around the briefing room, discussing profiles and linking evidence. You were seated across from him, trying to focus on the discussion, but his presence weighed on you in a way you hadn't expected. He was calm and composed as always, but there was something in his eyes when they met yours, something softer.

"Y/L/N" Aaron's voice brought you back to the present. "What do you think?"

You blinked, refocusing. "Sorry, what was the question?"

"We were discussing the unsub's reasons" Emily repeated, eyes scanning you with mild curiosity. "Do you think the victimology suggests a personal vendetta?"

You cleared your throat, mentally gathering your thoughts. "Not necessarily. The victims don't seem connected on the surface, but there's something in the way they were taken, no signs of forced entry. It suggests familiarity or at least that they trusted him enough to let him in"

He nodded, his gaze lingering on you for a beat longer than it should have. "Good point"

The conversation shifted again, but your mind was still racing. The tension of the day was becoming hard to ignore.

When the meeting finally ended, the team began to disperse, heading out to gather evidence or make calls. Hotch stayed behind, organizing files on the table. You hesitated, knowing you should go back to your desk, but something kept you rooted in place.

As the last person left the room, Aaron glanced up. "You alright?"

You gave a small smile, walking over to where he stood. "Yeah, just... This case is hitting harder than I expected"

He softened, his expression shifting to one of concern. "You can talk to me. You know that" he said softly, his concern evident in his eyes.

You hesitated for a moment, then reached out, letting your fingertips brush against his cheek. His skin was warm under your touch, and for a second, you saw him soften, his resolve faltering. But then, he stilled, his body going rigid. He didn't pull away immediately, but he didn't lean into your touch either.

You moved closer, closing the distance between you both, your heart beating faster. You needed him, not just as a boss, but as the man you'd grown to care for deeply. The stress of the case was crushing you, and you felt so vulnerable. You leaned in, your lips almost brushing his, but before you could kiss him, Aaron gently took your wrist, guiding your hand away from his face. His grip was firm, not harsh, but enough to stop you. He stepped back, putting space between you. "Y/N" his voice was quiet, but the weight of his rejection hit you hard.

You stared at him, feeling the ache in your chest grow. "Aaron..." you whispered, trying to understand. "I just- I needed you right now"

His gaze shifted, looking around the room to make sure no one had seen the moment. He ran a hand through his hair, his frustration barely contained. "We're at work," he said, his tone more controlled, but you could see the conflict in his eyes, "We have to keep it professional"

"Professional?" the word tasted bitter on your tongue. "I wasn't trying to cross a line, Aaron. I just- I'm not feeling good with this case, and I need you. I thought we could be there for each other"

"We are" he insisted, his jaw tightening. "But this isn't the place for that. You know that"

Your eyes narrowed, the sting of his rejection turning into something else — frustration, maybe even anger. "I know where we are. I know we're professionals, but we're also human. You're the one who said I could talk to you. But now, when I need you, you pull away"

"It's not that simple" Aaron said, his voice rising just a notch, his control starting to slip. "I can't just turn off the fact that I'm your boss. I can't let my guard down like that. Not here"

You shook your head, your emotions bubbling to the surface. "You don't trust me, do you? You don't trust that we can be both. You think I don't understand what's at stake?"

"Of course, I trust you" Aaron snapped, taking a step closer. His eyes were sharp, but there was something else there. Guilt, maybe. "This isn't about trust. It's about doing what's right for both of us. If anyone sees us like that, if anything happens-" he stopped, exhaling sharply. "You have to understand the pressure I'm under"

Your heart pounded in your chest, a mixture of hurt and anger swirling inside you. "I do understand. I'm under the same pressure, Aaron! But we're supposed to be in this together. I didn't think I'd have to feel like this with you too, like I can't even lean on you when I need to"

Aaron's expression softened for a moment, and you could see the struggle in his eyes. He wanted to be there for you, but he was still holding himself back, trapped between his duty and his feelings. "Y/N, I care about you. You know that. But I need to be able to compartmentalize, especially here"

"And what about me? Am I supposed to just pretend like none of this affects me?" you asked, your voice trembling. "Like I can just shut it all off because we're in the office? I can't even touch you?"

His silence said more than he ever could. Aaron Hotchner, the stoic leader, always in control except when it came to you. You could see it in his eyes, the way his emotions warred with his logic. But he was choosing control, and that realization cut deeper than you expected.

"I thought we were past this," you said quietly, stepping back, creating your own distance this time, "I thought we trusted each other enough to handle this"

"We do" Aaron replied, but his voice was strained, as if he wasn't fully convinced of his own words.

You shook your head, the frustration and hurt mixing into something heavier. "No, we don't. Not if you're still this scared"

His face tightened, the guilt clear, but there was no immediate apology, no comforting words. Just that same wall of professionalism he was always so good at maintaining.

"I'm not scared" he finally said, but his tone lacked conviction.

"You're not?" you could barely hold back the bitterness in your voice. "Then what is this, Aaron? You're pushing me away, acting like this is something we can just control"

Aaron's eyes locked onto yours, and for a moment, he looked like he wanted to say something, to explain, to make it right. But instead, he exhaled sharply, looking around once more as if making sure you two were still alone.

"Y/N, this is about boundaries. We both have responsibilities-"

"I know exactly what my responsibilities are," you interrupted, your voice firm, "But what I don't understand is why you're treating this like it's some kind of mistake"

"It's not a mistake," he said quickly, almost too quickly, "But it can't interfere with the job"

"And yet it already is" you said softly, shaking your head. "Because you're standing right there, and I'm standing right here, and somehow, we're more distant than ever"

You both stood there for a long, tense moment, neither of you speaking. The weight of the argument hung heavy in the air, the emotional distance between you growing with every second. Finally, you exhaled, feeling the exhaustion from the case and the emotional strain of this moment all at once.

"I'll see you later, Hotchner" you muttered, turning to leave, your heart aching as you walked out of the room, away from him, knowing that whatever had just happened had created a rift you weren't sure how to bridge.