WILD RIDE (Rafe Cameron x OC) *COMPLETE*

Chapter Fifty-Seven (Alana)

CHAPTER FIFTY-SEVEN

Alana

SMUT WARNING

"Rafe?" I say his name as the sobs slow from his chest. Only flooding of tears coming from his eyes as he turns his head to look at me. "Say something... Please."

He takes a long blink and opens his mouth but closes it. He does this a few times until he looks at me and exhales first. "You... You're sure?"

"I haven't had a period since before Midsummers. And that was the night we.. You know... Supply closet sex?"

He scoffs. "I don't want kids."

"I know."

"No. You don't know." He says. "I don't want kids because I'll be like Ward. Ambition is a poison that will soon consume me. I'll never a good father. I shot my own fucking sister because I was so fucked up in the head and you think I can have a kid and be fine? Alana... I can't do this. I can't be a father."

My face falls and I pause. Feeling those dragons again but not for a good reason this time. I don't know why I'm having them now. I lost them for so long and all of a sudden they're back in full attack mode.

"You should have thought about that before you started coming inside of me, Rafe. You're just as much at fault for this as I am."

"Are you okay with being a mother? No one has faith in you apparently. Everyone calls you Julia." He sighs. "I can't be Ward but my future is laid out for me already and I have to be him. I'm already him... Alana, I shot Peterkin and killed her. I shot my sister when I was trying to shoot your brother, I'm an addict, I- I'm not trustworthy."

"It's been eighteen weeks and six days since Midsummers." I tell him plainly. "It's happening whether we like it or not. You don't have to be involved but let me tell you, Rafe Cameron, that I don't think you're Ward. Just like I'm not Julia. You're Rafe and I'm Alana and if you're scared of being like your father then that's a good sign because that means you aren't him. Just like I know the moment I see this baby I will never leave the way Julia did. I'll never steal from my child the way Big John did. And I sure as fuck would never pick treasure hunting over my baby."

Rafe blinks away tears and nods. "What if... What if I'm good now and one day I just break? And I ruin our kid?"

"You having fears is a good thing. I'm scared too not of you.. I'm scared I won't be good enough. What if one day the flight or fight kicks in and I decide flight is my option? Both my parents did it. I don't know why Mom left but I assume it's because of Dad and his treasure hunting. Her lack of attachment to me and John B, I mean.... For fuck's sake, Rafe. I was born in a bathtub while John B was potty training and dropping a shit in the can."

Rafe starts to laugh and look at me with tear filled eyes and a somewhat smile. "So.. Let's make sure you don't give birth in a bathroom. I'll stay away from toilets too. We don't want to start our kids life any worse than it already is."

A laugh comes out of me and I didn't realize I could laugh anymore. I had so much sadness and fear and anxiety about having to tell Rafe. "We'll figure it out, right?"

He nods. "Rose is going to kill me. Dad's going to kill me... John B might try to kill me and honestly... I can't be mad at him for that."

"I think I might owe Wheezie money on a bet." I think for a moment and we both crack up again. "Fuck.. She really kind of jinxed us."

"Kind of? She hexed us." Rafe says as he unbuttons his shirt the rest of the way. "I'm going to hop in the shower. Keep watch?"

"For what? Your abs?"