Lamar pov:
My face felt like it went through a brick wall, I got out of bed and made my way to the bathroom groaning all the way.
I couldn't just leave him, if I left where would Isaiah and I go, my family doesn't fuck with me anymore because of him, Jason would probably take me in but Jamir would just drag me back here, easily
I'm totally and utterly dependent on him for everything.
I wish I could say I read him wrong but I knew about the monster lurking behind those beautiful eyes way before I was laid out on floor bleeding out of my mouth, I've seen him come home drenched in blood, I just didn't think I would ever come face to face with it.
After doing my morning routine and getting dressed I made my way downstairs.
"Morning." I said walking in to the kitchen.
"Hey baby." He said with Isaiah in his arms giving him his bottle.
I walked over to them, kissing Isaiah on the forehead and doing the same to Jamir.
My stomach growled, "I'm hungry." I said looking up at him.
"I'll make you a plate in a moment, sit down." He said.
I sat down on one of the stools placing my head on the island counter, feeling the coolness of it sooth my face.
"Where's miss Grace." I asked in a hoarse voice try to make conversation.
"I gave her the week off, I'm tryna spend some quality time with my family without any outsiders." He stood up burping Isaiah.
"Okay." I mumbled drawing patterns on the countertop, getting lost in my own head.
"Here." I looked at the steaming hot cup of tea in front before looking up at him blankly, "for your voice, it has lemon and honey."
"Thanks." I said, I noticed he didn't have Isaiah anymore.
I was so lost in my own thoughts I wasn't even fully aware of what was going on around me.
"You okay." He asked.
"Why wouldn't I be okay." I asked taking a sip of my tea.
"Your mood seems off, usually you're the first one up but...." He trailed off.
I guess he was expecting me to be all smiles after he beat my ass two days in a row.
"I'm just tired and sore but I'm sure I'll be back to my old self in a few days."
"We need to talk about the elephant in the room, I thought we could just ignore it but I want my little daddy back so let's talk." He said pushing my plate in front of me.
I sighed picking up my fork, "I don't wanna argue with you."
"We just talking not arguing, you want us to get back to us right," I nodded.
"Than we have to talk, address the problem before it gets out of hand." He continued to say.
"Like I said I don't wanna argue but I need to know, I don't want any lies, don't sugarcoat anything, I promise I won't get upset or threaten to leave I just want honesty."
"Shordy from the blogs is my ex, we met in junior high it was like finding a piece of me I didn't know was missing, if you saw me she wasn't that far behind, we moved as unit." He said with a hint of amusement in his tone.
"What happened than, how come she's not the one you starting a family with if y'all were that in love." I asked
"Everything changed senior year I caught her talking to some guy on her social media but she promised it wasn't what I thought so I believed her only for me to continue seeing explicit text messages between them so I followed her one day after school with my dad's gun in the glove compartment, my first body was over her, I thought shordy would freak out and snitch but she helped me hide the body, burnt my blooded clothes, what happened that day made me realise she would hold a nigga down, after I started working with my father she became my escape from shit I was doing day in day out but I guess seeing me covered in blood every night took a toll on her, I came home one night and she wasn't there, for the first few weeks I thought someone took her to get to me, she called me after almost two and half months telling me to move on and stop looking for her, our break up broke me, I tried taking myself out but my twin found me and made sure I was straight."
I stared at the stranger, I fondly call my husband and realised I don't know him, I don't know anything about his past except for the few things he shares when he feels like it.
After a moment of silence between us he continued, "So in other words she the one that got away, I don't know how to stay away from her, I don't know how to not want her, I don't even know if I want too." He said.
There's no way this man is declaring his love for someone else right now.
"Whatchu saying Jamir because if you that conflicted what am I doing here, what are we doing." asked already irritated.
"I love you, I want to continue building a home with you not her or anyone else for that matter, I just have to fight these urges I have when it comes to her, I shouldn't have put my hands on you I'm man enough to admit I fucked up and I sincerely apologize for that, there's no excuse for what I did and I promise on my mother's grave it won't happen again." He said try to placate me from what I could tell.
I rolled my eyes, I know when someone is trying to play with my emotions and mental because I've done the same thing before.
"Whats your plan, stay at home for the next foreseeable future because you can't keep it in your pants around her, huh." I asked as calmly as possible I don't want to be combative right now, I don't have the energy for that.
"I blocked her, I'm trying, I want to try for us, in love there's hope, you and little man are my hope, I had a little mishap but that's dead now."
I felt hot tears rolling down my cheeks.
I hated how this nigga always has me in my feelings.
"Fine but you have to work overtime to gain my trust back, no sex, touching, cuddling or kissing til I start feeling safe around you."
"so that's all I have to do? gain your trust back?" He asked with a hint of hopefulness.
"Naw, but that would be a great start."
"What I gotta do to prove myself to you than?"
"You can start by giving me a weekly allowance, I want some sort of financial freedom, I'm the stay at home parent so I should be the one in charge of running our household, I want your location on every day if turn it off imma assume you cheating and start from when you go back to work I'm coming with, I can't trust you out there by yourself."
I know that last past sounds over the top but trust is earned.
"The first two are doable but I don't want you around the shit I do."
I pouted, "you don't work in a trap house, I won't interfere with your work, you won't even know I'm there." I said putting my best puppy face forward.
He chuckled, "find that hard to believe but I don't want you anywhere near the illegal shit, stay in my office at all times and don't talk to anyone that's not me or Amaya."
I nodded in agreement.
"Promise you won't leave us."
"I promise."
I sighed in relief.
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This chapter sucked balls, honestly I don't know how to go from here, I'm not a write so suggestions will be greatly appreciated at this point in time.
Spelling and grammar errors.
