Haunted

n o o s e

✫ ༒ Joey ༒ ✫

I was travelling down a slippery slope with no signs of stopping.

And the worst part was I couldn't do right by my girlfriend and let her go. Every time I saw her it was like I could finally breathe. She was the sole reason for my living.

Without her I had nothing.
Without her I was nothing.

I had no doubt that someday soon she would come to her senses and leave me completely alone. Because that girl was smart, driven and equipped with just about the biggest heart I'd ever known.

Even as I walked downstairs, ready to meet up with Gabriella for my birthday, I felt guilty for not letting her go.

I looked to the kitchen to see my father clamp a giant hand around my mother's arm and press her to the fridge. I could see them arguing but I had no fight left in me.

But it was my mam. The woman who brought me into this world and I couldn't help but interject.

"Back off," I warned, stepping in between them and forcing him to release her arm.

Thankfully mam bolted to the other side of the room, and surprisingly dad didn't throw a punch.

"We were only talking," He said, offering an explanation for his fucked up behaviour.

"I don't care," I said in an empty tone, "Keep your hands to yourself and we'll be peachy." I grabbed a can of coke from the fridge, "I'm going out tonight. Don't know when I'll be back."

"Suit yourself," Dad shrugged moving towards the kettle.

"I plan to," I downed the can and grabbed another, unable to satisfy my thirst.

"Who are you going out with?" Mam asked, taking a seat at the table, "Are you going right now? Because your father and I wanted to speak to you about a few things."

"Friends, and yeah, I'm going now," I replied.

"Just sit down and talk to us for a few minutes," She pushed a chair out with her foot, "Please, Joey."

"What?" I asked reluctantly walking towards the table.

"Sit down."

"Fine. I'm sitting. Now, what?"

She looked to my father who sat opposite her, "Your mother is worried about you."

"Okay," I shrugged.

"Thinks you need some counseling or some nonsense like that," He stirred his tea.

"Teddy," Mam sighed.

"What?" Dad took a sip of his tea, "You know how I feel about that kind of thing, Marie. It's a load of bollox. The young fella is grand. He's stretching his wings a bit."

"With heroin!" Mam cried and then looked to me, "I know what you're doing. I know, and I want you to stop right this instant, do you hear me, Joey? I want you to stop this!"

"Okay."

"Okay?" She blinked at me.

"Yeah," I could feel my hands shaking. I could hardly breathe. I needed out of this fucking house. Of this fucking life I was born into. "Whatever you say, Mam."

I knew she didn't care.
She didn't give a single damn about me.

My mam didn't give a fuck about me. Hell, I didn't give a fuck about me. But I cared about those kids that spent most of their lives cowering in bed.

They were what kept me here. They bound me to this house. Their lives were like a noose wrapped around my neck, just waiting to kill me.

"See, now, Marie?" Dad nodded, "The young fella's grand."

"He's not fine, Teddy," Mam pleaded, "One look at his eyes and you can tell that he's not even here with us right now!"

"He's sitting here, isn't he?"

"You know that's not what I mean."

"Can I go now?" I asked, looking between them.

"I don't want you to go out," Mam worried her lip, "I don't think it's a good idea."

"For fuck's sake, Marie," Dad snapped, "He's going out to celebrate his eighteenth. Don't be such a pain in the hole."

"But I just don't think-"

"Then stop thinking," Dad shouted, "It doesn't suit ya."

"Wait!" Mam called out when I headed for the door, "There's something else we wanted to tell you."

I paused, waiting for them to say it. But I knew in my heart what it was. I always knew.

"We're going to have another baby," Mam smiled.

"Congratulations," I mumbled, pulling open the door.

But as I stepped outside, the noose around my neck tightened. I was done.

I had nothing left in me.
No more fight, no more emotions, no more life.

I was as good as dead inside.
And it didn't seem like anyone cared.
I know I sure didn't.