Punk Princess of West

Chapter 2

Adamson-Voire Series #1
Punk Princess of West

Chapter 2

Farrah

I have always had a tough life. Simula pagkabata, alam kong hindi ko kayang pantayan ang kuya ko sa mata ng tatay namin.

“Ang ganda ng lahi niyo, Ferando.” I smiled as I heard the lady compliment my look.

With my pink dress and doll shoes, I felt like a living barbie.

“Kung makita mo lang ang panganay ko, baka mas lalo kang mamangha.” Daddy once again brought up Kuya. “Matalino rin ‘yun, valedictorian sa batch nila.” He proudly said.

“How about this adorable young lady beside you?” The woman pinched my cheeks.

“Ah, late bloomer siguro ‘to si Farrah, medyo mahina ang utak sa ngayon. Baka magbago rin sa future.” I playfully held my father’s hand.

I may be a dumb kid, but I knew what my father meant during that time. Since that day, malinaw na sa aking hindi ako ang paborito. Kaya’t hindi na ako nagtataka kung bakit mamahaling regalo ang nakukuha ni Kuya during holidays, kung bakit siya ang isinasama ni Daddy sa gatherings, kung bakit siya lang din ang ipinagsisigawang anak ni Daddy; samantalang ako, kahit ibulong sa tainga ko— hindi niya man lang nasabing proud siya sa akin.

“This is all your fault!” Mom pushed me.

Oh good, she’s also mad at me right now...

“Ano ba ‘yang problema ng anak mo, Alicia? Nagkakagulo na tayo dahil sa pag-atake ng sakit sa puso ni kuya, nakuha pang magliwaliw!” Uncle Tom, Dad’s brother, commented.

“Saan ka ba nagpupupunta? Dinamay mo pa si Fallen!”

Dapat sanay na ako, ganito naman sila palagi.

Pinauwi ako ni Mommy, kumuha na lang daw ako ng mga gamit niya kasi sa hospital sila matutulog, iiwanan ata akong mag-isa rito sa bahay.

As I walked into our lobby, I noticed how many pictures of Kuya Fallen were displayed. Sobrang dami; simula recognition niya sa elementary, hanggang senior high school. Graduating na si Kuya this year, madadagdagan na naman ‘to.

I looked at the family photo that was placed behind my parents’ wedding day portrait. I was just six when it was taken; the only picture of me in our lobby— our family picture hidden beneath their wedding picture frame.

“Stop pitying yourself.” Binalik ko sa dating kinalalagyan nito ang aming family picture nang bigla kong marinig ang tinig ni kuya, andito pala siya.

“I’m not.” I denied.

“I saw you, you don’t have to lie and pretend, Farrah.” He said.

“Pangit ka lang, pero kapatid pa rin kita.” He added.

Tinatarantado ba ako nito?

I stayed quiet for a while after what Kuya said.

I know that he’s just trying to comfort me, it’s not his fault that he sucks giving comfort because he was raised that way— the perfect golden child of my Mom and Dad.

“I already packed Mom’s things, Farrah. I know that she might send someone home to pick it up for her, it’s in their room.” Kuya said and I nodded.

As usual, hinatid ako ni Kuya sa hospital para ibigay ang mga gamit ni Mommy. Hindi kasi agad-agad maidi-discharge si Daddy kasi kailangan pa raw obserbahan. Kami ni kuya ang maiiwan sa bahay kasi sabi ni Mommy, Dad would be disappointed if he knew na napapabayaan namin ang pag-aaral namin because of him.

Gusti ko sanang sabihing “No Mom, dad would always be disappointed in me kahit anong gawin ko.” But I couldn’t, she was already having a hard time.

I couldn’t afford to be an emotional burden for both of my parents, tama na sigurong kay Daddy lang.

---

I was trying to review for our upcoming midterm examinations when I heard my phone’s notification rang.

2:35 a.m.

Chanler:
Hey Farrah, u still up?

Farrah:
Yeah, what’s up?

Chanler:
I really couldn’t sleep, wyd?

Farrah:
Reviewing, malapit na midterms natin.

Chanler:
Yea, right.

Pakopya, Far.

Farrah:
Saan ka humuhugot ng kapal ng mukha?

Chanler:
Kay Simon, tinatanong pa ba ‘yan?

Farrah:
Diyan ka na, I still have plenty of
reviewers to read.

Chanler:
Farrah.

Farrah:
Ano?

Chanler:
We’re worried about you.

Farrah:
Don’t be.

Chanler:
I just want to remind you, don’t be
too hard on yourself. Nakakaubos
‘yan, Far.

Farrah:
Hindi naman ako ganiyan?

Stop worrying, unahin mo midterms
natin. I’m doing okay.

Chanler:
Yeah, right. And the earth is flat.

Farrah:
Wala kang mapapala sa pakikipag-usap
sa akin, just stop it already. XD

Seen

Chanler just left me on read. Alam kong puro kalokohan lang ang mga kaibigan ko pero sobrang concern ng mga ‘yan.

It’s already three a.m. and I suddenly craved for hotdog bun and Vitamilk, my favorite beverage. I decided to grab my wallet, put my jacket on and went to the nearest 7/11 that could be found infront of our subdivision’s gate.

Malapit lang ‘yon tyaka katapat lang ng guardhouse kaya safe kasi may 24/7 on-duty na guard doon.

As usual, I bought more than just the hotdog bun and Vitamilk as my original plan. I ended up buying chips, energy drinks, and biscuits.

Ganito talaga siguro ako kapag maraming iniisip, nauubos sa pagkain ang oras ko. Normal na sa akin ang mag-stress eating kapag hindi ako okay. Kaya kong makaubos ng maraming pagkain kapag madaming tumatakbo sa isip ko, kahit hindi naman talaga ako malakas kumain usually.

Instead of eating inside our house, I decided to sit beside the road, sa tapat lang din ng bahay namin.

Baka sakaling kapag andito ako, makaligtaan ko ang bigat ng mga nangyari recently. Kailangan kong magfocus sa midterm exams ko, para matuwa si Daddy sa akin kahit papano pag gising niya.

Sa lahat ng panahong hindi kami maayos ng tatay ko, ito lang ‘yung oras na gusto kong bumawi sakaniya. I really feel guilty. Baka tama nga si Uncle, sobrang stress na siguro ang naidudulot ko kay Daddy kaya siya nakaratay sa hospital ngayon.

I never wanted to hurt my Dad. Masakit para sa aking makitang nahihirapan siya despite our misunderstandings. Kaya gusto kong bumawi, dahilan kung bakit kailangan kong i-waglit ang lahat ng worries ko para sa nalalapit naming exam week. I better ace those little bastards to at least, surpass being just an average— the thing that my Dad extremely hated about me.

Speaking of which, alam kong tama si Chanler na unti-unti ko na namang inuubos ang sarili ko. But who cares? No one would actually give a fûck with me unless I’m a golden child just like my Kuya. The pressure is indeed on. Nakakapagod maging estudyante, nakakaubos maging normal na tao.

“It’s already late, why are you still here?” I stopped munching the hotdog bun I bought when I heard a voice.

I wiped the sauce on the side of my lips before looking up to see who spoke.

To my surprise, it was Ybrahim— holding a box of Vitamilks.