fantasia b.
a week later...
i have been sobbing since i walked out of the court. the evidence of the bruises voice messages of threats i had wasn't enough for them to keep her away from us permanently. she can only get him on weekends and holidays. those beatings i received were nothing compared to how hurt i was hearing the judge say that and not only that she kept a smile on her face the whole time we were there like she knew it was gonna go her way.
starting tomorrow, my son will be away from me, and im more stressed than anything. if i never came here, none of this would be happening. so many what ifs now– she didn't even live here in NC, so that means he's gonna be hours away from me. he's all i have– i don't trust her enough to be with him alone. she has an on and off temper, meaning she's capable of doing anything without thinking first.
i was currently in the kitchen of my home cooking with my mom while bryce was asleep. she's been coming over here every day to check on me.
"how are you feeling?"
"he hasn't been away from me since birth. i don't even know how to feel anymore, mommy."
"hey, don't worry yourself. we can only pray and speak positive about the situation even though we don't like it, there's nothing we can do to change it because she is, in fact, his mom. let's think clearer and positively throughout this journey, okay? everything will be just fine."
"okay." i sniffled. she pulled me into her and hugged me tight.
"minutes later, my door opened and closed. jen yelled out my name. i wiped my eyes and smiled big hearing her voice.
"best! hi!"
"hey, are you okay?"
"no, not necessarily. when did you get here?"
"today. i just wanted to be here for you."
"you didn't have to, jen. is nyla here?"
"she is with her dad's side out on a trip. it's just us for a few weeks."
"ill leave you ladies to it. i love you, tasia. don't worry yourself."
"i love you too, and i won't." i was lying.
"ok. later, jennifer."
"later mrs.d"
"girl, call me diane or mama"
she's been calling my mom that for years, and she cant stand it. jen is like a daughter to her, so to my mom, the "mrs" no longer needed to be used when addressing her.
"how are you holding up?"
"pretty horribly, but for the time being, bryce has been keeping me sane. i just want him with me at all times. if she can do all those things to me all while saying she loved me, then i don't know what she's capable of doing to my kid– or maybe she wouldn't hurt him. i don't know, im lost, hurt, confused, sad, mad, everything..."
"as much as we would want that dark spirit to stay away, she is a part of bryce, and it wouldn't be fair to him to keep him away from her. just follow the courts orders and co-parent– do that, and everything will be fine, i promise. please dont stress yourself about things you can't control."
"im trying it's just the thought of him being away from me, but enough of my boohooing. are you hungry?"
"i don't mind the boohooing, but yes, i am. what did you make?"
"chicken alfredo with broccoli and garlic bread."
as i was talking, i heard a small whine, which caused me to walk over to the couch where i saw bryce rubbing the sleep from his eyes.
"hey, it's ok, papa." i cooed as i picked him up and kissed his head, "he's been asleep for at least five hours."
"you know he's about to be up all night."
"that's what i told my mom, but no, she wanted him to rest."
i wish i would have gone with my first mind and declined the invitation.
"you hungry, bry?" jen asked. he just put his head on my shoulder.
"still processing. im gonna get him in a bath. make yourse– girl you know this is your home too. get comfortable chile."
■■■
the next morning, i woke up pretty early to fix breakfast and to spend a little more time with bryce. that woman was coming to get him in two hours. i packed everything he would need last night and sat all of it in the living room this morning.
"good morning, my sonshine."
he paid me no mind and grabbed the french toast. since he was allergic to the syrup, i sprinkled powdered sugar on it and sprayed whipcream over them.
"grand rising ladies and gent." jen is a ball of energy.
"good morning, best." i
"how you doing?" jen asked, grabbing a mug from the
"tasia"
"hm?" i felt myself getting emotional all over again.
"it's okay. think about the first time bryce started walking." she knows that's one of my favorite memories of him other than the moment he was put in my arms.
30 minutes after eating, we were playing hide and seek. i was counting while jen and bryce hid. as sad as ive been the past week, this is the most i have smiled. i knew that would fade once bryce left. i have chris, jen, and my parents, but most of my happiness comes from my son when they're not here.
"bryce, where are you? jen?" i laughed, walking through the hallway, "im going to get popcorn."
"MOMMY!" i heard his little feet. jen walked out with a disappointing look on her face.
"you cheated. game over, and i will be right back."
"where are you off to?"
"the store to add money on my card. tiktok shop has been calling my name."
"i was thinking about buying the seafood bag from there."
"we both know thats a lie. you barely even eat other folks cooking, let alone buying that. love you guys, be right back."
"okay, love you too."
in the meantime, i went to clean him and myself up. after his bath and drying, i applied his pamper and clothes along with his fragrances– lotion and powder. his hair was in a little man bun. we went back downstairs, i sat him in his booster and turned the tv to ms.rachel while i cleaned the kitchen.
an hour later, i was feeding bryce when i heard my doorbell ringing. that woman told me she was on the way, but not as fast. i sighed deeply, not all the way prepared to let him go.
"i know you really can't understand what im saying, but it's only for two days, papa, and you'll be right back with mommy. i love you."
i went to open the door and moved aside to let the woman in. i was taken aback by how good she looked. despite her sick actions, she was still good-looking. i cant take that away from her. she outstretched her arms for him.
"wassup. hey– the little bun. so cute."
"i have a list of everything he can't eat or drink on the side of his bag. if he runs out of pampers, get him huggies only. those other ones will break him out. warm his milk before you–"
"i have two daughters, fantasia. i know what to do."
"yeah, of course." the two i knew absolutely nothing about.
"tasia..."
"what?" i said in a frustrating tone.
"i wasn't saying it like that. im just saying i ain't new to it. is there anything else?"
"yes, don't put your lips on my kid."
"i can kiss him if i want. this is my seed."
"no, you cant. i don't need him breaking out."
"why would he bre– whatever. tell yo daddy goodbye bry." i almost cackled, but i had to remember i didn't like the woman.
"later, bry." i held his hand a little longer.
