wlw imagines!!

~54~🤍

(this is gonna mention trouble eating, self harm, and throwing up, so if you can't read about that then please skip this and take care of yourselves, i love you and i care about you🩷)

This had been going on for weeks now. I'd been avoiding food and if I had to eat, I'd have little amounts before refusing to have anything else for the next few days. My girlfriend seemed to be catching on, but she hadn't said anything much to me about it yet. I knew she'd say something soon though. I wasn't gonna get away with it for long.

I just struggled so much. Looking or thinking about food made me feel physically sick. I just couldn't do it. Nothing sounded good anymore except losing more and more weight. I was already skinny, but I needed to be skinnier. I don't know what made me think like that. I'd never think that about anyone else, I saw everyone's bodies as perfect, but as soon as I saw mine, the negative thoughts flooded my mind.

It was as if I couldn't escape. The only thing that made me feel better was not eating. Because then I knew for sure I'd stay the same weight. Or even better, lose more weight. Hurting myself helped too. It silenced the thoughts just for a few minutes, giving me something else to focus on. But since my girlfriend caught me doing it, she would often make sure I hadn't been harming myself.

She didn't do it in an invasive way, she just wanted to be sure I was okay and was doing anything she could to help me and distract me from it. Although she already knew about my struggles with self harm when we met, I was too nervous to tell her when the struggle came back. She only found out when she caught me. I felt so guilty for not telling her or asking for help, but I just couldn't.

I knew that after a while she'd notice I was struggling with food, so maybe I should've told her, I didn't want to bother her though. I honestly felt guilty for being in her life because I thought she deserved someone who didn't struggle with these problems. She didn't need to be wasting her time worrying about me, but she seemed to really care. More than anyone else ever had or ever could.

So when I was barely eating, of course she noticed. She always payed attention. And she made sure to keep an eye on me. Not long passed of me getting away with it though. The conversation came up one evening when I was just laying on her chest, my whole body felt tired and pretty weak as I just watched her scrolling through apps on her phone. I was wearing a hoodie and fluffy pyjama bottoms, cuddled up in her arms, yet I still began shivering.

The room suddenly felt icy cold as I shivered against her, reaching down to pull the thick blanket over both of us. This made her look down at me before speaking.

"You're cold angel?"

I nodded and answered, "I'm freezing cold."

"It's boiling in this room.. Are you sure you're okay?" She looked concerned.

"I'm good my love don't worry, just a bit cold." I slightly smiled and cuddled up farther against her.

"Okay baby.." She wearily accepted my answer, continuing to scroll through her phone.

One of her hands was wrapped around my waist, slowly moving up and down as she was placing gentle kisses on the top of my head every so often. We stayed like this for a while until something happened that I never wanted to happen. My stomach growled and this made her avert her gaze back to me once again.

"You hungry angel? I can go make you something to eat. Maybe some pasta?" She quietly spoke as she looked into my eyes.

"Umm.." I was hungry, but still, nothing sounded good. I didn't want to eat. I was better off without it. "I'm not really hungry baby I'm okay, thank you though."

"Can I ask you something?" She gently replied, turning her phone off before chucking it somewhere on the bed and sitting us both up.

I whined as the blanket fell off me when we sat up, still cold. I pulled it back up to wrap around my body before nodding.