wlw imagines!!

~61~🤍

(this is actually based on a poem(?) that i wrote a while back, i was gonna include screenshots of it but the formatting is awkward on here so it won't work😞 maybe if anyone was actually curious i can add it in? but i'm not gonna add it for now..)

I felt like I couldn't leave my bed. Nothing felt right. Everything was wrong. Nobody called. Nobody texted. And I didn't bother texting or calling first. I didn't want to be a burden. Obviously I didn't want to be alone. How difficult can it be to meet new people? To find the person you want to spend the rest of your life with? Well the answer is that it seems very difficult.

Everyone I'd ever loved had screwed me over in some way or another, so I'd given up even trying. There was no point. I just wanted to go home. Not to my house. I was in the comfort of my own house, yet my heart still ached. My chest ached just as much. Almost as if every breath I took was more painful than the last. Simply just breathing could make me anxious. My heart raced, and my breathing sped up, making me worry more. It was a never ending cycle.

I knew I longed for something way more than just 'home', but I couldn't quite place it. Was it a place? Somewhere I'd visited before? Or maybe a person. But who? I had nobody. I longed for a girl i'd never met. Who I didn't even know existed, and she didn't know I existed. But I needed her. Whoever she was.

The feeling was a permanent weight on my shoulders, pushing me further down day after day. I wasn't sad. I just felt empty. The pit in my stomach grew more the longer time passed. And it stuck there. Burrowed deep, clinging onto me. But the feeling would often make its way up to my chest, clawing at my heart, trying to rip me to pieces from the inside out. The more I thought about it, the further it allowed itself to travel. To grow. It crawled to my throat, trying to make its way out through small sobs.

It never left, though. No matter how much I cried for someone, I never felt any better. The feeling was glued to me. Attached. My eyes stung with unshed tears. Until they fell. Each one hurt more than the last. Each one a sign of my loneliness. Nobody but myself there to wipe away my tears. Nobody to catch me when I was falling. Nobody to hold me close and remind me that everything would be okay. Just myself.

The silence of my bedroom rang louder than my thoughts. Louder than the noise of the tv. It never filled the silence. It somehow made it worse. Constant echoing that I hadn't found the one. Not yet. Maybe not ever. I'd almost given up hoping. I hadn't found anyone. Not my person.

But I continued hoping even when it felt useless. Longing for somebody to come along and stop this loneliness I was drowning in. Someone to save me from myself.

And I found her. Just when I thought I was trapped, by myself forever. She came along.

I decided to get myself out of the house for a bit to try to feel a little better. I went for a walk, music blasting through my headphones whilst I wandered to a nearby cafe. I only wanted to get a pastry. I walked slow, kicking the autumn leaves every step I took.

Once I got there, I sat at a table in the corner after paying for my food, music still easing my thoughts, just quieter this time. In such a public place, I still felt lonely. But it softened things just slightly. Honestly, I got lost in my thoughts again, completely forgetting about the untouched pastry in front of me, instead just staring blankly towards the door.

My mind was in a completely different place until she walked in. She caught my eye immediately. She may have been the most beautiful girl I'd ever seen in my life. I could tell she was kind just by looking at her. She was by herself, wrapped in warm clothes. She looked cosy. And I didn't even realise I was staring until she scanned the cafe, looking for somewhere to sit before she paid, and made direct eye contact with me.