𝙵𝚘𝚛𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚛 𝚢𝚘𝚞𝚛𝚜 \\\ lilpeep FF SEQUEL

SPIRALING ⵊN MⵊAMⵊ

- GIAs- THOUGHTS -

ʏᴏᴜ ᴄᴏᴜʟᴅ ʜᴏɴᴇsʟᴛʏ sᴋɪᴘ ᴛʜɪs ᴘᴀʀᴛ
ɪᴛs ᴊᴜsᴛ ᴀ ʙɪᴛ ᴏꜰ ɪɴsɪɢʜᴛ ɪɴᴛᴏ ʜᴇʀ ᴍɪɴᴅ ʟᴀᴛᴇʟʏ

Over the past month, everything's felt pretty boring... or maybe just empty. For me, at least.

Most of my days have been spent either inside, at parties, or tagging along with Gus. And that's not even every day.

he's constantly busy with photo shoots, some interviews, and shows. Even Crystal and my other friends seem to have their lives figured out, well at least I think so.

Meanwhile, I'm stuck in this weird limbo, trying to figure out what to do with the internet 'success' that came to me out of nowhere. I never even expected this life. Before all this attention but then, things took a BIG fcking turn when I met Gus. suddenly , I was more than just Crystal's sister that got clout from getting posted on Her tumblr. now I'm the girl 'lilpeep' is dating and the 'side chick' who he ran away with.

literally from 13k followers to 300k in a year and I barely post Gus so the people who came for him originally, don't get much out of following me.

it's even gotten to a point where people that hated me in school comment about how they know me.. when they wouldn't even wanna be seen within a few feet of me irl.

•

I can't even tell if I like this lifestyle anymore. Most of the time, I just go along with whatever he's doing-because I feel like I have to support him, but also because I don't really have anything else figured out.

in the beginning I enjoyed the fans , touring , being known as his girlfriend. Now I just feel like some leech. I don't know where to go from here. Being with Gus seems to lead in one direction, but is that 'my' Future.. the one I want.

I know there's nothing holding me back from going to college and getting somewhere in life but then it'll just cause a wedge between me and Gus.. also who's gonna pay for that ? and I don't even know what I would go in for right now.

and back to Gus, a Long distance relationship for him is like drinking bleach and I don't want any problems.

———-

I hate the internet. Honestly, I don't know how anyone can deal with this fame. It's not like I've even gained it by myself. I just happened to become the girl he messed with while dating Layla. And now it's a constant storm of hate in my DMs and comment sections.

It's wearing me down more than ever now. Im so insecure. I never feel good enough for Gus, and I guess that's nothing new either. But now, it's just worse..way worse. It's like I'm drowning in it all.

I know I can just delete my socials or turn my phone off.. but THEN WHAT..! damage is STILL DONE.. have u ever been addicted to seeing what people say about you??

anyways ..

I used to be able to hide how I was feeling (I think) , but it's getting harder. Every day, I just want to stay in bed, drink and smoke my life into a hole, but I put on this smile for Gus and get up. He's too caught up in his own world to notice how much I'm struggling. And honestly, I don't want to be a burden on him so it's good he hasn't noticed much.