Irreplaceable {1}

Chapter 18

A few days passed in lazy Christmas bliss.

Leo tried to accomplish some things on my list, like making a gingerbread house and baking Christmas cookies. There was only so much we could do that didn't include leaving his parents house.

Then we went home. Leo dropped Rowan off with my stuff at my apartment and we went back to his to pack for him leaving. Leo was reluctant until I went into his closet to pick out clothes for him, then he came in to stop me.

We worked together in mostly silence, it was really sad at first, but when he had his two bags packed he put on some laundry and then we turned on a movie. We didn't really watch the movie. Nor did we watch the second one.

Leo drove me home at 3 in the morning and then made his way to the airport.

I felt almost empty, like I didn't know what to do with myself. He texted me until the airplane took off at 6 in the morning. Then I finally passed out. I had nightmares and the worst sleep ever, but decided not to leave my bed much. So Rowan brought me food and I tried to write until the afternoon.

I gave up writing after only accomplishing three paragraphs and switched to comfort movies. After dinner I took a bath and changed into new pjs and crawled back into bed. Finally, Leo FaceTimed me.

I was all too excited to answer the phone. Leo was grinning back at me, "I'm so sorry, we just got to the hotel."

I grinned back at him, "it's all okay!

Leo sighed and rubbed his hand down his face. "We landed and went straight to the venue for sound check, then we had a TV interview and then dinner. Now I'm supposed to go to bed right away, but I needed to call you and make sure you're doing okay."

I laughed, "other than moping in bed all day and missing you? I'm all good."

We talked for about half an hour until he started yawning and I asked what time it was there, because it was getting late here, and it was even later for him. So I made him hang up with me and go to bed, even though I wanted nothing more than to stay talking to him for much longer.

I got an okay sleep that night, and the nights that followed. Leo would call me in the morning after he got dressed and while he was eating breakfast. Then at night, I would find where to watch his performance and most of the time it was on a grainy live stream. I kept my bracelet on every day and sent him colours before bed and when I woke up. I could see he had to take it off when he went on stage, but he sent me colours at random times. 

Then Leo would call me after he got off stage and showered, and tell me his favourite moments. Seeing him smile then was what was getting me through each day. I just could not wait to see him smile like that again.

New Years I spent at Amara's place with Roxy, Scott, and Rowan. There were a few others, but those were the only ones that mattered to me. We had a good time and Leo called me after his New Years set. He was getting drunk and I was following closely behind.

At midnight, I felt a little weird. Leo already celebrated, and here I was sitting with my brother while my best friends had their kisses.

I had a New Years kiss once, but it was so full of regret.

If Leo was here, I felt like we would have a very different experience.

I really missed him.

I sent him the green colour to let him know I missed him and he sent me back blue to show he was sad.

Going back to school finally got me back into a routine so I wasn't moping around. I was having no luck on the job front so I finally went to an academic advisor to get some help with my resume and see if there were job fairs or boards I could look at.