Always, Lily

▫️ Thirty five

LORENZO

Missing her came in waves and tonight I was drowning.

I didn't know what was happening with my life, each day just as empty as the previous. The process was also repetitive and there seemed to be no hope in me.

The fingers of my left hand twitched slightly and I counted seconds until my whole hand began shaking uncontrollably.

I couldn't say that I was used to this. It had been ten days. Ten long and painful days of waiting.

I wasn't supposed to be complaining when I was the one who'd given her space.

I blamed my considerate self for stepping aside like I'd done but I knew this was a crucial process for her.

After revealing my situation to her, I knew she felt confused, surprised and most probably angry at me.

Processing what had happened the previous week was also something I considered. She was slightly shaken up by the whole ordeal and getting back with me wouldn't be natural.

I let her choose her standing without feeling any bit pressurized by my presence. I was open to whatever choice she'd make about us but the wait was making me more anxious.

All I wanted was to see her but I couldn't just show up uninvited at her house, like last time. Her opinion was what mattered the most.

At first I tried to remain hopeful that she'd take me back, though after days of anxious waiting, I just hoped to hear anything from her.

Whether she accepted me or not was not a priority now. I needed to hear her voice, even if it was of her whispering my name.

I had to restrain myself almost every day not to reach out, though I called her brother every evening when I knew he'd be home.

I desperately called so as to at least hear her voice in the background but nothing had come out of my childish attempt.

The shaking of my hand seemed to remind me that I was alone in this quiet house. The cat, Gary, as she'd named him, curled on one corner of the room, zoned out.

Judging from its expression, I knew the cat could sense that something was wrong. Having not seen her for over a week, I knew we were both moping for the same reason.

I picked up my camera on the table to go through her pictures again. It was something I did almost five times a day.

Looking at her pictures somehow made this loneliness bearable.
She was beautiful, and not just in her appearance. She had a pure and kind soul. I yearned for the comfort that came from leaning on her shoulder.

I missed our skin to skin contact. Her smiling face made her giggles echo in the background and I felt my mouth curving up.

Just when was I going to smile at her directly? My heart ached as I moved from one picture to the next.

I even missed myself. I was cheerful and lively around her. The messy pictures she'd taken of me clearly contrasted my current self.

I hadn't taken any new picture after the cord between us was shaken. All my hobbies seemed meaningless without her.

The most painful thing about this was the business we'd started together. She hadn't followed it up since the rift between us.

I understood why, even as I waited her answer, I forced myself to understand her feelings first.

I had broken her trust. It was only natural for her to avoid everything about me. It somehow made sense but that didn't make it any easier.

Though with less zeal, I did all the work alone. I would call our regular customers to ask how well they were liking our products, under the disguise of confirming whether they had heard from her.