Always, Lily

▫️Thirty seven

LILITH

"I thought I wouldn't hear from you again." Enzo whispered as I turned off my laptop and organized my work files away.

I could feel his eyes on me the whole time during my online meeting. Some documents needed to be revised and my supervisor was guiding me through the process.

His unwavering gaze made it hard for me to focus though I had managed to tackle the necessary tasks with minimum supervision.

My eyes lifted to Enzo's as I replied, "I'm sorry it took a while, I needed time to process what was happening."

Seated in the couch furthest from me, I could read his face just well. There was guilt in his voice as he answered, "I didn't mean it that way."

An awkward silence passed between us, both of us avoiding each other's eyes.

This had happened many times in the last four days. Since that day when his friends had come over and we'd somehow 'reconciled', there were this occasional moments of uncertainty.

We hadn't spoke about it but now that we were openly ignoring the situation, I doubted we'd ever interact like before.

I plucked out my laptop charger from the extension, turning to face the other way as I pretended to reorganize my stuff.

The lump in my throat grew when the silence stretched out longer and the air around us became uncomfortable.

He had asked me to stay at his place last evening where we ended up watching a nature movie.

I don't remember when I dozed off, the next moment I was awake it was already morning and I woke up alone.

He'd brought me breakfast and cleaned after me as I prepared for my supervisor's appointment at nine in the morning.

I don't remember us exchanging more than twenty words since the day began. Minutes after my meeting began, he sat on the furthest corner, watching me until I was done.

I contemplated packing my bags and leaving. I didn't want it to appear like I was forcing anything between us.

We had talked. We had reconciled but something was still missing. I couldn't quite say what it was, I wasn't sure what it was, even at the moment. There was an invisible gap between us.

My chest tightened as I reached for my tote bag to put my laptop away and excuse myself before this uncomfortable silence drowned me.

"Lilith." I almost jumped at his sudden call. He had walked to where I was seated. He squatted before me, softly calling me for a second time.

"Lilith, are we truly okay?" He asked, his eyes worriedly running all over my face.

I looked down to my lap, biting my lip harshly. I didn't know what to tell him. We were okay in certain areas yet we were not in others.

"Love?" He slowly took my hand and I flinched in surprise.

"I'm sorry," I apologized for my behavior, still avoiding his eyes. He must have felt hurt when I jumped at his touch.

"You did nothing wrong," his voice was soft and understanding. "Can you tell me what I did wrong?" He asked with a kind gaze.

I couldn't hold back my tears when he was watching me with such patience. He looked at me like he would wait for an eternity to hear me speak.

"E-Enz-zo I'm sorry," I apologized again, tears filling my eyes. I hastily wiped the moisture away before my vision gave out.

The first drop landed on my right cheek and I sniffled back the rest in vain.