Formula 1 One-Shots (II)

Max Verstappen [Conflict]

A/N Wished by MoaWallentin

WORDS: 1085

PROMPT: "Your heart beats for the sport, there isn't much space for anything else." "But my heart wants to be with you."

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The wind howls through the streets of Monaco as I stand by the window, arms crossed tightly over my chest. I watch the trees twist and bend in the dim light of the evening, a dance of colours in the sky, but I can't appreciate it. Spending time with Max should feel good and not like the threatening feeling I have in my chest. Instead of what we shared before, the intense feelings, the laughter, and the comfort. Now everything feels bland, like a washed-out grey.

We haven't been together long, just seeing each other for around two months now. And even though there is an undeniable connection between Max and me, I can't shake the feeling that his racing career is consuming more and more of him. It's not like I'm not happy for him, living his dream. I admire it, in fact, but lately, it feels like his commitment to his career is breaking everything else.

I turn away from the window, walking to the couch where Max has sat down about twenty minutes ago, his eyes glued to his phone, reading through the emails from his manager or whoever else texted him. We wanted to share the afternoon, but he is spending time with his phone and has already made some calls since I entered his apartment. I feel like the lack of communication is weighing me down.

"Your heart beats for the sport, there isn't much space for anything else." The words leave my lips softly before I can even stop them, and they linger between us like an unspoken truth. I don't want to accuse him of something, but I can no longer deny the building frustration inside of me.

Max looks up, setting his phone down slowly. His eyes are soft, even though I imagined him to feel offended by my words. But instead, he looks exhausted and as though he already knows what I'm trying to tell him.

"I know," he mumbles, his voice tired. "It's just that my contract... my commitments right now, they don't allow me to step away, not even for a moment. There's a lot on the line, schat, but my heart wants to be with you."

I nod. Max told me about the weight of his contract, especially since he's winning championships. How much he had to sacrifice to get to this point. He is now an established racing driver, but the pressure to fulfil every obligation, every sponsorship, every appearance slowly suffocates him. It's not that it's troubling me, well, not only.

I don't ask him to give up his dream; it's not something I can demand from him. I want him to chase it, to succeed, and to be happy with what he's doing. But I also want him to see me, be with me in ways that don't need to compete with his career.

"I'm not asking you to give it up," I tell him, my voice as sad as I feel inside. "I just need to know you're willing to make some space for us. I need to see you try. Not just for me, but for us."

Max lets out a long breath, rubbing his hand over his face. "I don't want to disappoint you, schat. I've worked my whole life for this, and I can't just walk away from it. You know I care about you."

"I know you do," I reply, my eyes softening because I know about his feelings for me. He's told me, several times, and every time I am amazed again by how well he manages to talk about his feelings. "I care about you, too. But sometimes it feels like your dream is all that's left. Like I'm just an extra in your life, waiting for a moment that never comes."

Max holds his hand out for me, and I come closer to take it, letting him pull me close. "I don't want you to feel like that. You're not an extra. But right now, I have responsibilities I can't ignore. I wish I could split myself in two." He sighs, and I smile sadly.

"I don't want you to split yourself in two. I want you to be fully here, fully present when we're together. I want to know that you're not just running through the motions when we get time. I need to feel like I matter."

Max's grip tightens, and he pulls me into his lap, his head leaning against my shoulder. I cuddle myself against him. Being close to him is all I wanted.

"I hear you. I know it's been hard, and I haven't been great at balancing things. But I'm doing my best. I want this, too. I want us. I want to make it work."

I lift my head just enough to look into his eyes. He is truthful but struggles. The guilt is something he carries around because he will not be able to give me more time of himself so easily. It's not about him not feeling enough for me, it's about finding a way to make both his dream, and this relationship fit together.

"I just need to know you're trying," I say as gently as possible, not wanting him to feel bad. "You don't have to be perfect, Max. But I can't keep feeling like I'm invisible when we're supposed to be a team."

"I will try," Max promises, his voice thick with emotion. "I promise you; I'll try. I can't give up my dream, but I can make sure you're not left behind. I can't promise I'll always get it right, but I'll try."

My heart clenches when I look at him. I can see the conflict in his eyes, but also the admiration, the love. He isn't willing to give up his career, something I would never ask him to, but I need him to be present when we want to spend time together.

"I want you to chase your dream, but I don't want to be forgotten along the way," I try to explain myself, letting my fingers brush over his cheek.

"I won't forget you. I don't know how to make it perfect, but I'll find a way. We'll find a way," Max promises, his head leaning into my touch, and I nod, the tight feeling in my chest loosening a bit.

We both need to learn, to figure out how to navigate the time between his dream of racing and our growing love. But right now, us trying is enough because we are together.