A/N Wished by maris_hxxse. I hope you like it!
There are only a few spots left in the advent calendar! If you want a chance of your favourite driver appearing just go to the requesting chapter and choose a free number (:
WORDS: 1311
[7] "I want you to be mine but I also feel like you don't want to be mine and that makes me very, very upset."
_____
I have always been the one in control. At least that is what I like to tell myself with having the ability to keep men one arm's length away from me, it feels like my armor which I made just on my own. Not needing anyone and especially no one like Lando.
Except I do need him, and it starts to drive me crazy.
Lando was everywhere lately - at the gym, the random cafe I choose during my walk and at parties I didn't even know he is familiar with the host. He doesn't stalk me, that's something I am sure of because every time he spots me, he looks just as surprised as I am feeling on the inside. Lando just shows up as like fate is trying to make us spent time together when we least expect it. And every time I manage to brush him off with a smile, some playful words but I never managed to fully get rid of his attention.
I tell myself I don't care. He is just another guy in the long line of distractions a potential heartbreak with being someone who likes to flirt and move on when he gets what he wants. But there is something about the way he still looks at me, like he doesn't want to play a game, and this is what throws me off.
Tonight, being no difference in that pattern.
Me sitting at the bar with a drink, eyes scanning the room, looking for someone that isn't Lando, since I spotted him almost immediately after entering. He is leaning against the wall farthest away from me, chatting with some friends, curls messily covering his forehead making him look way better than I want to think about him. Just when I want to look away Lando caught my gaze and starts to grin, making my stomach flutter in a way I hate.
I take a deep breath, forcing my eyes away, pretending not to notice the fluttering of my heart, playing hard to get because that's what I am good at. He is just another boy who is going to move on when he is bored, just like the rest would. I am not falling for him.
Well, the thing about Lando is that he hardly takes my no for an answer. He is persistent, but not in an unsettling way. He always asks me to dance, and take a drink together and ignores the no's, just shooting his shot with a different question, but he doesn't pressure me into doing the things he wants. Lando is just not getting rid of easily.
It takes just a few minutes, and he is by my side, like he just teleported himself through the crowd, his presence feeling like the prickling of the air announcing a coming thunderstorm.
"You're avoiding me again." Lando notices, voice warm with his amusement but there is something else in it, that I can't quite get.
"I am not avoiding you." I try to defend myself poorly and not looking at him. "I am just busy."
Lando shakes his head with a chuckle. "Sure, just like you were busy all week long." I remember how many times he tried to spend time with me this week and how many times I successfully avoided saying no to him.
"Maybe I just don't have time for distractions." I laugh, trying to sound relaxed, even though my body is tense up.
Another chuckle leaves Lando's lips. "You are the distraction for me, I just try to get your attention."
A smirk appears on my lips. "Congratulations, you have my attention. Now what?"
His smile crooks a bit, but it is back quickly. "Stop pretending that you are not interested."
My breath gets stuck in my throat. How does he know...But I manage to have my perfect mask on again in a split second. "I am not pretending anything. I just don't think I have time for whatever you want."
Lando raises an eyebrow, lips now curled into a challenging smile. "That's funny because it did look to me that you want me just as much as I want you, but you're too busy playing hard to get to admit it."
My heart skips a beat. That isn't how it is supposed to go. I should be the one in control, having the upper hand, being the one deciding who is entering my life and who has to stay out. But Lando...Lando is different. He doesn't back off when I try to push him away and he doesn't run away no matter how many times I tell him I dislike him.
"You're wrong." I manage to say. "I don't want you; I don't have time for this." I want to walk away but Lando stops me.
"Please wait." Lando mutters, suddenly sounding very seriously, no trace of his playful tone left. "I want you to be mine, but it also feels like you don't want to be mine and that makes me very, very upset."
My pulse spikes, there is no sarcasm, nothing teasing and absolutely not his playfulness. Just the raw truth in his words making me second guess everything, slight panic rising in my chest. I wasn't supposed to feel this way. I wasn't supposed to feel these things, my defence crumbling into its pieces every second.
"I don't know what you want me to say." I whisper, throat dry, but manage to look him into the eyes.
Lando's expression soften, but he doesn't look away. "I want you to stop pushing me away."
I blink at him, trying to figure out what to tell him, slightly taken aback by his intense gaze. "I might not be ready for this.
Lando steps closer, hand softly brushing over my shoulder, sending shivers down my spine. "Ready for what? For me? For us?"
I feel warmth spreading through my body when he says us, but my inside feels like it is pulling into two different directions. Knowing I played the game for too long to just stop it, being so good at it, but Lando doesn't seem to care about the rules of a game. He is determined, stubborn and he does make me second-guess everything.
"I don't know." I murmur "I don't know what this is."
Lando lifts his second hand, fingers softly caressing my cheek, before tilting my chin up, so I have no chance to escape his eyes. "What if it is exactly what you need but are too scared to admit it?"
I open my mouth, but no words leave my lips. Not having any snappy defence because the truth is he is right. I am scared. Scared of how much I need and want him. Scared of how he is making me feel and that I don't have the control anymore.
"I am not scared." I say not even believing myself.
Lando sighs, thumb brushing over my cheek. "Then stop playing games with me."
For a moment we just stay there, space between us shrinking to a minimum. I can feel the tension, but my own feeling is pressing my down. I want him, maybe more than I am willing to admit, but I don't know how to let go of the control I clung to for so long.
Lando lowers his hands, letting go of me, but his eyes stay connected with mine. "When you are ready I'll be there, but I am not going to chase you forever." Lando is honest and I need to swallow, a heavy feeling in my chest.
"I know."
And for the first time in a long time, I am not sure if I am playing a game or if I am being played by my mind. But one thing is certain. Lando isn't going anywhere as well as the strong pull between us.
YOU ARE READING
Formula 1 One-Shots (II)
FanfictionSecond book in one shot series. The cover is a drawing of mine. So, please don't copy it!
