Royalty || Anakin Skywalker x Reader

30 - Addiction

2.4k words

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(Y/n)'s POV
"You do not have to—"

"Please, allow me." Padmé interrupted, already taking the brush from the vanity. She drew it through my hair in slow, even strokes, gathering it over one shoulder before guiding it back again. I watched our reflections in the mirror, my gaze lingering on her face. She has hardly spoken since I returned from the gardens with Anthony, and the quiet unsettled me. I had never liked when there was distance between us, though it was a rare thing thank goodness.

"I told you that you were not expected to attend to me during this trip," I said, lowering my eyes to the vanity and its floral patterns. "It was meant to be a little vacation."

"I do not mind," She replied. She parted my hair with her fingers, separating it carefully. "This is the portion of my duties I enjoy most. It is therapeutic in a way."
She gathered the loose lengths at the back of my head, twisting them neatly before securing them with a pin from the small dish beside her. I never knew what style she intended until it was finished, though it was always perfect for that day specifically. She had a gift.

I lifted my eyes, hoping she would meet my gaze. She did, only briefly, before looking away again. The small dismissal stung more than I expected.

"Please do not be upset with me," I said quietly. I hated how close my voice came to breaking.

She paused then, her hands resting at my shoulders.

"Princess—(Y/n)," She corrected herself, her expression softening. "I am not upset with you. I told you that already. I understand." A faint smile followed, gentle rather than amused. "You love Anakin, I have always known it. And it would take a fool not to see see that he loves you as well—more so. But..." She trailed off with a sigh

"We know that it cannot go further than it has," I whispered, the words painful beyond measure. Anakin and I were aware of our positions. We understood the rules we were bound to live by, however unreasonable they felt. "I am also aware that it should never have gone as far as it did, but I love him deeply." My voice faltered as the ache and yearning in my chest became nearly unbearable. "He is my first love." Possibly my only true love, "I wished for him to have some part of me, since I could never give him all of me."

I had told myself countless times that I understood our roles, that I had known them from the beginning. But knowing them, did nothing to dull the ache. It did nothing to stop the sting behind my eyes, nor did it quiet the burning desire to be with him in every single way. I bared my soul to him last night, and so now he will forever live in it.

I may not have an actual choice in who I get to live my life with, but I had this choice. I did not regret giving him my virtue. I never would. If anyone was deserving of that part of me, it was Anakin. It would always be him.

Padmé resumed her work, smoothing the final strands of my hair, adjusting their placement with careful precision. "I understand," She said gently. "I will never speak of this to another soul. My concern lies only with you." She set the final pin in place and stepped back. My hair was arranged neatly, appropriately, as it always was. I met her gaze in the mirror as she continued, her voice softer now. "And with him. You are both dear to me. It pains me to watch you both be so miserable and heartbroken."

I swallowed the tightness in my throat and studied my reflection. "It is beautiful. Thank you, Padmé."

She bowed gracefully, her own hair curled and finished, falling loosely past her shoulders. She looked almost royal herself in my gown. She should have been, her beauty has always been unique and breathtaking. It has always surprised me that she did not have men lining out the door for her, she is always overlooked and that was a true tragedy. "It is always a pleasure, Princess." She went back to being formal.