We Can't Go Back

Stay With Me

Lizzie was fighting to come to the surface but every time she thought she was close, a memory would come to her. It was so tempting to just stay in her memories. Almost all of them were good memories. Memories of a time where the biggest drama was her and Bucky dancing around their feelings. She didn't have to deal with the fact that her brother was a haunted soldier and her husband hardly remembered their life together since he was mentally and physically tortured.

In her memories, Hydra didn't exist. In her memories, they were all happy. In her memories, they were whole. After a while, she couldn't remember why she needed to wake up.

That was until she heard his voice. It wasn't the voice he had when he was a teenager or a young man. It was grittier like screams had ripped up his vocal cords. It was a reminder that her old Jaime was safe in her memories. Her Jaime now, needed her. He needed her by his side.

That's why she began to fight. She began kicking towards the surface but it was like being caught in a riptide. She couldn't find a way out but then she heard his voice again. His voice was a lighthouse that was leading her to shore.

As Bucky read, he felt like he had read it before. As he thought back, he remembered thinking love was pretty destructive. He was right about that but it was destructive in the most beautiful way. It wrecked you but you're okay with it because the cracks it leaves allows another person to come in. You build together on your cracked foundation and that was so beautiful.

Bucky continued reading until he reaches the last line.

"So we beat on..."

"Boats against a current..." a hoarse voice said.

Both boys' eyes shoot up to Lizzie. Then to each other.

Her eyes are still closed and her breathing is still even. Did they imagine it?

"Are you going to finish the book Jamie?" Lizzie asked.

Her eyes slowly begin to open.

"Please?" She asks.

Bucky made a choked sound but he could never deny her a request. He cleared his throat and squinted to read through his watery eyes.

"So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past," Bucky finished.

"I always liked the ending," Lizzie said sleepily.

Steve sat on the edge of her bed and stroked her hair.

"Hey, Lizzie. It's good to see your eyes," Steve said.

"Why? You see the same ones in the mirror dummy," she responded.

Then she looked over at Jaime and it's so different from the first time she woke up. They were hardly friends at that point and he left soon after to give her and Steve time to themselves. Now, she never wanted to let him out of her sight again.

"Jaime..."

He was up in an instant. He didn't care that her brother was right there. He leaned over and cupped her face in his hands and kissed her. He kissed her with everything he had in him. He broke away for just a moment.

"I'm so angry," he kissed her again. He kept breaking their kiss for moments to say a different thing.

"I love you," he said before leaning back in.