Alexandra Watson
Did he just say I killed her? Omg. Who did he kill. Is this why he's staying here? Hundreds of questions flow through my head. I go close to Zayn and hold his hand.
"Who Zayn? Who? You can talk to me Zayn. Just bring everything out. You will feel much better" I say and he breaks.
"I killed her. My Saffa. My life. I killed her." He cries.
I don't know how to react. But I do know Zayn needs comforting. I don't care if he killed someone. But right now he needs someone to comfort him and I'm going to stay right here. I decide not to ask him anything cause I don't want him to get angry on me. I just hold his hands and look at him.
"We were all happy living together. Me my mum and dad, and my three sisters" he talks. I don't know what to say at all. So I just sit there and nod my head holding him as he holds on to me.
Why is he telling this to me?
"My dad is the owner of the top most enterprise in Bradford. Mum is the number one fashion designer. I have an elder sister Doniya. Two younger sisters, Waliyha and saff" he chokes at the last part.
"Zayn it's alright, you don't need to tell me." Just clam down.
"No. I need to get this out of me. I need someone to talk to. Just please stay with me. After I finish you can leave. You can hate me." My heart starts beating out of my chest. Zayn being so vulnerable was something I could never even think off and now he's here begging me to stay.
"Zayn you don't need to ask me to stay. I'm going to be here. I'm here to listen to whatever you got to say and I can never hate you." I try to comfort him.
"We we're a happy family. We lived in a huge mansion, Everything was amazing but until one day, the house caught on fire while I was experimenting with some science project stuff. The fire started to spread so fast that I dint know what to do. I screamed so that everyone in the house would know there's a fire and I started to run to my sister's bedroom. I found Waliyha and Doniya there and I brought them outside the house. I looked around and found dad and mum outside already. I looked at the house burning then I suddenly remembered Safaa, she wasn't outside. I stared to panic and I ran inside the burning house. I ran up to her room and tried to find her but she wasn't there" he cries and I hug him. I never felt my heart break for anyone this bad until today. I know I'm crying too as I feel my cheeks wet with warm tears.
"The fire was so much, there was so much heat in that room, that I fainted there. When I got up I was in the hospital. I asked for Saffa but then they informed me that they found her in the washroom dead." He cries.
"I killed her " he says. There's so much pain in his voice that I myself can't bear.
"No Zayn you didn't. It's not your fault" I say the truth. It's not actually his fault.
"NO. It's my fault. Everything is my fault. I was doing the stupid experiment which I knew was harmful. I was the one who didn't save my Saff. I killed her. I'm A Monster. I Killed My Own Sister. She meant the world to me" he cries.
"Zayn listen to me. Just listen. It's not your fault okay. It could have happened to anyone. You need to stop blaming yourself. You did go inside the burning house to save her right? It's not your fault Zayn. So just stop blaming yourself. You won't be able to live like this at all."
"But i-" I cut him off.
"No buts Zayn. You are an amazing person. Do you hear me? That was just written in her fate. It's all God's plan. If it wasn't you that started the fire, it was going to be someone else. You can't change what's already written. Remember Zayn everything happens for a reason. How long has it been since that incident" I ask. I don't know since when I became so strong but right now Zayn is all I'm thinking about. He needs to remove the guilt out of him or else it's going to consume him one day.
"Two years" he says.
"It's been two years Zayn and you still blame yourself? Did anyone tell you that it's your fault? Did anyone tell you that you killed her?" I ask.
"It doesn't matter if anyone tells me anything. I know I killed her" he cries.
"No Zayn you didn't. You need to stop blaming yourself. You know whats the best thing to do? You've kept these feelings bottled up for a long time. Just cry as much as you want Zayn. I'm here to take care of you. Scream if you want. Hurt me if you want I won't say anything. Just remove all the guilt today and never look back again."
As soon as those words leave my mouth Zayn starts to cry, he hugs me and screams. He hits himself. He goes completely insane. I just hold him keeping him from hurting himself. I don't want him to do the same thing I did once. He cried for two hours continuously and I sit there holding him without saying a word. Seeing him like this is makes my chest hurt. I've never seen a guy cry so much.
I don't even know what's the time right now. I'm sitting on Zayn's bed and I guess he's sleeping. He sobbed so much that I can't even think of how much pain he's going through. But I guess he needed to let it all out. How long would he keep it inside his heart and blame himself?
I put my hands on his head and massage his hair. Who would've thought that Zayn Malik was fragile as a feather from the inside. I just hope that he realizes that it's not his fault and he stops blaming himself from tomorrow. I wish a new Zayn Malik wakes up and start a new life where there's only brightness.
I wish Zayn could meet Louis. I'm sure he would make Zayn laugh a lot. He was such a nice company. I miss Lou more than anyone at this point. Who knew I would make such a good friend. I miss Kate, the way she used to wake me up in the morning, yelling at me to get. I miss that already.
With thoughts of everyone I fall asleep with Zayn on my lap who's hugging me.
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Thoughts on Zayn ? Well, everyone have their own fucked up lives, need to look at the bright side and stay strong, keep moving on....
Lee..xx
