Jukai

Chapter 16 Choux pastry heart

Flashback

Broke my Choux pastry heart. Guess life's no picture postcard

Nicole hunter

A wave of relief washed over me as I closed the front door behind me, the sounds of the engagement party still echoing faintly in my mind. I loved the celebration, but after such a long day, I needed a moment to myself.

The house, once filled with laughter, now felt unnervingly quiet. I headed up the stairs, my footsteps echoing in the stillness. I wasn't about to share a room in my father's house, so I knocked softly on the guest bedroom door.

"Jacob? I'm ready for our walk," I called, but when I stepped inside, I froze.

Two suitcases sat open on the bed.

I closed the door behind me and stepped further in. "Jacob?" I called again, and he emerged from the closet, arms full of clothes.

I raised an eyebrow, trying to make sense of the situation. He adjusted his glasses, taking a deep breath, our eyes briefly met, but neither of us said anything.

"Jacob, we don't leave until next week," I said, confused. "What are you doing?"

His eyes stayed down on the clothes in his hands. "Yeah, I know," he mumbled, folding a shirt with a deliberate slowness.

Something in his tone made my chest tighten. "Jacob, what's bothering you?" I asked, quieter now, reaching out to him.

He hesitated, his shoulders tight as he mumbled, "Nothing, just need a moment."

"Jacob," I pressed gently, stepping closer, "Talk to me."

He didn't look at me, but his hands stilled. "Can you stop for a second?" I gripped his wrist, pulling him away from the suitcase.

The tension between us felt like a thick fog. We weren't leaving anytime soon, so why was he packing like his bags were already half-packed for good?

"What's going on, Jacob?" I asked, my voice trembling as I searched his face for an answer.

Finally, he spoke, his voice barely above a whisper. "I found the letters... the ones you wrote to Terry when you were a teenager."

A sharp pain shot through me at the words. My heart sank as the silence between us grew thick with unspoken questions.

"I don't want to talk about it," I said, trying to steady myself, but the panic was rising in my chest, every word he said slicing through me.

"well you don't have to I made my decision." Jacob said, his voice heavy with something I couldn't place as he resumed packing, his movements jerky.

"Jacob, please," I whispered, my throat tight. "It was years ago. They don't mean anything. They're just letters."

But as the words left my mouth, I could feel how hollow they sounded. I could feel the weight of what I was denying, the truth that had been buried for so long.

"Nicole, they mean something," Jacob said, his voice thick with pain. He stopped folding clothes, his gaze falling to the floor. "You wouldn't have kept them if they didn't."

"Jacob, please—" I started, but my breath caught in my throat. The tears began to fall, hot and uncontrollable.

His eyes softened, but the sadness in them only made the pain worse. He took a step back. "We need to figure out what you want, Nicole."

I shook my head, unable to process the chasm that was widening between us. "What do you mean? I want you—I want this. I want us."

"You don't get it, do you? "your father told me about Terry," Jacob said, his voice breaking slightly as he grabbed his suitcase from the bed. "I'm not sure you're ready for this. For us. I feel like you're still holding onto him."

"Jacob," I cried, desperate, stepping in front of the door as he moved toward it. "Please don't leave."

He stopped for a moment, looking at me with a mixture of sadness and resignation. "Nicole, I need some time. I just... need some space to think." Jacob said with so much emotion.

I stood in front of the door, my arms crossed stubbornly. "No, Jacob, not like this. Why are you doing this?"

He reached for the door handle, trying to gently push past me. "Princess, we can talk about this tomorrow," he whispered, brushing a kiss across my forehead.

I shook my head, stepping back, my heart breaking with every word. "Jacob, no! What's the problem? Why are you leaving me?" I cried, my voice cracking.

He looked at me, his face softened. "Nicole, don't make this harder. I love you, more than anything. But I need you to figure out if you're ready for this."

"But I am," I sobbed, feeling the weight of every word like it might crush me. "I am ready, Jacob. Please don't do this."

He exhaled a shaky breath, rubbing a hand through his hair. "I'm not calling off the engagement, I just... I just need time."

"Why are you leaving me then?" I cried, my chest heaving with the force of the pain. "Why can't you stay?"

"I'm not leaving, Nicole. I just... I can't be here right now," he said, turning to the door, opening it. "I'll be back. But you need to figure this out."

He walked out of the room before I could say anything else. I rushed after him down the stairs. 

The runner rug bunched up beneath me, and I nearly tripped over it as I pushed myself faster. Barefoot and reckless, I didn't even care—only focused on reaching him...

"Jacob, please!" I screamed, my voice bouncing off the walls as I shot towards the front door. I didn't bother closing it behind me as I dashed down my father's driveway, my breath ragged in the night air.

I flung myself at his car, slamming my palm against the metal as he started tossing his things into the back.

 My father must've heard the commotion, because he stepped onto the porch, arms crossed, his face as unreadable as ever, watching us both without saying a word.

"Jacob, open the door!" I cried, pulling on the handle, but the door was locked.

I turned to my father, desperation spilling from me. "What did you tell him?" I demanded, my voice raw.

My father didn't answer, just stood there, silent and distant, as Jacob started the car.

"Jacob, please," I sobbed, my heart shattering. "We need to talk. We need to fix this."

Jacob looked at me, his eyes shadowed with sadness and a trace of regret.
As he opened the driver's side door, I stepped closer, slipping between the door and the seat. He turned toward me, settling behind the wheel.

"Nicole, your father's right there. We can't do this now," he mumbled, pulling me in for a brief moment, his lips brushing softly against my forehead.

"Jacob, why are you leaving?" I cried into his chest, my hands clutching the fabric of his shirt, feeling the wetness of my tears soaking him.

He held me tighter, his voice soft and strained. "I love you more than life, but I need you to be sure. You can't be half in. You need to know what you want, Nicole."

"I need you," I whispered, feeling like I was losing everything.

He pulled back, his eyes filled with sadness. With a heavy sigh. "I'm not leaving for good. I just... I need space. Please, just a little time, okay?"

I stood there, rooted to the spot, as his car slowly backed out of my father's driveway. The sound of the engine faded into the quiet night, but it only made the silence around me feel heavier and colder.

And then, I collapsed to my knees, the tears streaming down my face, each one more painful than the last.

At that moment, I needed him more than I'd ever needed anything in this world. Why couldn't he see that?

He was the reason I'd healed. Jacob had been my anchor, the one who made me believe in the beauty of life again. 

Without him, how could I keep going? How could I breathe in a world so empty without him beside me?