Jukai

Chapter 26 J U K A I

Warnings: 18+,  mental health issues (depression, suicide

If I died, would it even make a sound in the sea of trees? (sea of trees)

Nicole hunter

My childhood home was gone. Everything I had known, everything I had loved—lost.

Terry tried to reassure me, saying things could be rebuilt, that time would restore what had been taken.

But it wasn't about the buildings. My father had poured his soul into that church, and now it was nothing but debris scattered by the wind.

Eventually, I found myself running again. I couldn't stay—not in the ruins of what used to be my life.

I went on a drug binge for weeks—maybe longer. Time stopped meaning anything. The days bled together, each one drowning.

I kept chasing that fleeting moment of escape, but It was never enough.

Terry was slipping away from me. Or maybe I was slipping away from him.

Either way, I could see it—the exhaustion in his eyes, the quiet desperation in his voice. He was holding on as tight as he could, but I could feel his grip loosening. And it was my fault.

It was always my fault.

The liquor bottles were empty, just like I was. I woke up every morning with the taste of regret on my tongue and the weight of shame pressing down on my chest.

I was rotting from the inside out, and the worst part? I didn't even care anymore.

I was disgusted—with myself, with the person I had become.

I hated the way I felt, the way I existed. Amber and Joseph had no idea.

Terry never told them. He carried the burden alone, still trying to fix something that was already too far gone.

But that was the thing—I didn't want to be fixed.

I felt like I was just another project to him, something broken he could piece back together. But I didn't want to be put back together.

I didn't want another chance. I just wanted it all to end.

Until I got sloppy.

I left the white powder on the bathroom sink.

The moment he saw it, I knew. The silence between us was louder than any screaming could have been.

He didn't need to say a word. His face said it all—the disappointment, the anger, the heartbreak.

I had done this. Again.

Let's just say he wasn't happy about it.

But the truth? Neither was I.

I was so..tired of being this person.

Tired of ruining everything I touched.

Tired of myself.

The high always came crashing down. The bottle never offered relief for long.

I was dragging everyone down with me, and if I was being honest, I was tired. And I knew they were tired too—tired of trying to save me from myself...

I've made my way down to the forest Way down to the sea of trees

Why would I keep pulling them along when we all knew how this would end?

I had grown to love Terry, but love wasn't enough. Love couldn't save me from myself.

Deep down, I felt tethered to something I wasn't ready to face—a rope pulling me back to a reality I couldn't bear.

Walking deeper into the forest, letting the silence swallow me whole.

Each step took me further from everything I had lost, though my grief clung to me like a second skin. My legs ached, my body hollow, but I kept moving.

I wasn't planning on coming back.

On my way out I found a way out Up in a tree

With my bookbag slung over my shoulder, I pressed on, lost in the quiet.

The only sounds were the distant call of birds and the crunch of leaves beneath my feet. The deeper I went, the lighter I felt—like I was shedding the weight of the past with every step.

For the first time in a long time, there was peace in my decision.

Maybe no one else would understand, but I did.

The pain that had consumed me for so long had dulled into something softer, quieter. Some part of me knew it would all end soon.

What was left of me anyway? What was the point of carrying this pain any longer?

Every breath felt heavier than the last. Every step pulled me closer to the inevitable. I wasn't sure if there was anything worth fighting for anymore.

I only hoped they would forgive me. Terry, Amber... my father. If there was a God, I whispered a silent prayer for understanding, for peace.

Terry had my letter. He'll know what to do with it. And tell Amber. Since he had taken my gun, I had found another way—something quieter, something less messy.

I sank onto a fallen log, surrounded by endless trees. The world felt so still like it was waiting for me to take my final breath.

Pulling out my journal, I opened to a blank page. The words I couldn't say aloud poured onto the paper, filling the empty space with my final thoughts, and my apologies.

I closed the journal and set it beside me. Someone would find it. Someone would understand.

Terry would come looking for me. He wouldn't stop until he found me. A part of me wished I could spare him that pain, spare him from knowing what I was about to do.

With trembling hands, I pulled the bottle of sleeping pills from my bag. The cap felt cold beneath my fingertips as I twisted it open.

Maybe, just maybe, I'd see Jacob and my father on the other side—if there was anything beyond this. And if there wasn't? If everything just... stopped?

That was okay..too.

I tipped the bottle, letting the small blue pills spill into my palm.

They felt heavier than I expected, weighted with the finality of my choice.

I stared at them, my heart pounding. This was it. This tiny handful of pills held the power to silence the ache that had consumed me for so long.

For a long moment, I hesitated.

Hopefully, someone would find me before the wilderness claimed what was left of me.

But the thought of continuing, of carrying this weight for one more day, was unbearable.

I closed my eyes. Took a deep breath.

And with steady hands, I prepared to take the final step.

Please comment and vote. Don't hate me; this isn't the end. You all deserve better.

If anyone in need of a friend, I'm here for you all. And to anyone struggling with mental health issues, please seek help. You matter, and I love you all.