Jukai

Chapter 17 Butterfly

Nicole hunter

Flashback

Only loved you 'cause I ain't loved myself

Laying in my childhood bedroom, I curled into a ball. Sobbing uncontrollably. It had only been two days since Jacob left, but it felt like my entire world had crumbled.

Everything seemed so pointless, so hollow. Nothing mattered anymore.

His calls and texts kept coming, but I was too terrified to answer. What if he was calling to end our engagement? The thought of hearing those words out loud was unbearable.

A soft knock on the door startled me, but I couldn't bring myself to respond. Who could it be? Whoever it was could stay on the other side. My eyes were swollen, and my vision blurred by the tears that wouldn't stop.

"Nicole, honey, it's Amber," her gentle voice broke through my haze as she tapped on the doorframe and peeked inside.

Amber stepped into my room quietly. Her footsteps were almost muffled by the heavy tension in the air. She paused at the foot of my bed, her presence a comforting weight, yet I couldn't muster the strength to face her.

Yanking the blanket tighter around my body, I hid my tear-streaked face, hoping the fabric could shield me from the reality outside. 

I heard her move closer, her soft steps breaking the silence, but the space between us felt vast—filled with everything that had happened.

"Nicole, you can't stay in here like this," Amber's tone was gentle but firm, like a lifeline I wasn't ready to grab. 

She reached for the blanket, tugging it softly, but I pulled back, clutching it tighter, as if it were my only defense.

"I'm not leaving this room," I whispered, my voice barely audible, raw with desperation. "I need him, Amber. I can't—" My voice broke, and I buried my face in the fabric, hiding from the reality I couldn't control.

"Oh, yes, you can," Amber's tone sharpened, yet remained soft and insistent as she tugged on the blanket again. Anger began to bubble inside me, raw and uncontained.

"Why can't you just leave me alone?!" I snapped, the words spilling out before I could contain them. I wanted to scream, to push her away. I just needed space.

"Nicole, Jacob called," she said, her calm voice was heavy with a truth I wasn't ready to confront.

"Shut up!" I yelled, the words slicing through the air like a knife. I shoved myself upright in bed, glaring at Amber. Her eyes flickered over me, revealing emotions I couldn't decipher—disgust? Pity? Anger?

My hair was a tangled mess; my eyes were swollen from hours of crying. I felt the burden of everything pressing down on me.

"I don't care... I just want to be left alone. I want to disappear," I thought as she stood there, her anger palpable.

"Look here, little girl. Watch your mouth," Amber snapped, jabbing her finger in the air as she stood at the foot of my bed. I just sat there, silent, feeling like a child being scolded.

"Get out of this damn bed now," she ordered, her voice sharp, her fury thick. "Go take a shower. Before I have to pull you out of this bed myself," she threatened, her eyes blazing.

Desperate to avoid further confrontation, I finally forced myself to move. Slowly, I climbed out of bed, feeling as though my limbs were made of lead.

I walked down the hallway, my feet dragging, and into the bathroom. The click of the lock behind me created a tiny barrier from the world I wasn't ready to face.

Glancing at my reflection in the bathroom mirror, I barely recognized the person staring back. My hair was matted to my scalp; my eyes were puffy and red, looking like they belonged to someone trapped in a nightmare.

Grabbing a towel and washcloth, I moved without purpose. Turning on the water, I watched the tub fill, each droplet creating a calming rhythm that drowned out my thoughts.

After my bath, I dragged myself downstairs, my legs heavy with sorrow. As I entered the kitchen, I found Amber and Joseph sitting at the table. I felt no urge to speak—what was there to say?

"Well, look who finally decided to join the land of the living," Joseph teased, his light voice failing to mask the concern I saw in his eyes.

Amber raised an eyebrow. "Oh, she's up, I see."

I rolled my eyes and poured myself some orange juice, craving the silence as I let the hum of the kitchen fill the space instead.

"Your dad's at the state fair, getting everything started. He wants you to meet him there," Amber stated, her gaze steady on me.

Leaning against the kitchen counter, I stared blankly at its surface, the weight of her words making me feel even more adrift. What was the point? I wasn't sure I could even step outside today, let alone face the world.

"Yeah, you're gonna need to get out of the house," Joseph chimed in, laughter escaping his lips. "You look like a zombie or something."

I rolled my eyes at him, but deep down, I knew he was right. Perhaps I should go. A distraction might help, even if just for a moment.

Amber shot Joseph a look before speaking softly, "Nicole, look... I know things are tough with you and Jacob, but you can't shut everyone out. Your dad's counting on you, and we need you there to help set up. You can leave afterward and crawl right back into bed if that's what you want."

Sighing, I rubbed my eyes, feeling the exhaustion weighing on me. I couldn't keep hiding from the world forever.

"Fine, I'll go," I muttered, my voice barely above a whisper. "But don't talk to me. No one. I mean it."

Joseph raised his hands in mock surrender. "Hey, I'm just here."