Don't leave...We need you (5SOS Ashton Irwin) *COMPLETED, EDITING*

9: Lies.

9: Lies.

I wake up feeling like crap. I lay in my bunk thinking about my fail of a life.

I have 2 amazing brothers but no parents and that is my fault. Leo is autistic and diabetic. I am depressed. I hate myself. I cut. I don't want to live.

I know I said I will stay til when I am no longer needed but... I don't want to. Lets face it all I do to help is look after Leo. I am fed up with trying to make everything work. I suddenly feel a huge amount of guilt. I am here on tour with my brother. Why am I even here, I don't deserve it! I am just making my brothers life a lot harder. Then theres Lolo. I am not exactly helping him either. He alsos seems to be crying when i'm around. I get out of my bunk and head toward the bathroom to have a shower and to get rid of the pain.

*Ashtons POV*

I think I have finally worked out my feelings for Becca. The truth is I really think I love her. I am still trying to work out how to help her though. I know that I promised her that I wouldn't tell anyone but the truth is I am really thinking about telling Michael. He did used to cut as well. Maybe I could tell him and not let Becca find out. I just want to know how to help her stop. She is in the shower at the moment. I could tell Michel before she comes out. God how I hope she doesn't do anything whilst in the shower. I flinch everytime I think about her with a blade sliding accross her flawless skin. Thats it I am going to tell Michael.

As if on cue Michael comes into the room.

"Mate I think I need to tell you something" I say quietly checking no one is around.

"Yeah anything" Michael replies taking a seat next to me.

"Uhhh, well its Becca" I begin getting quite nervous.

"Yeah" Michael questions.

"Well she...I saw her scars on her wrists and she..." Michaels eyes widen, realising what I was saying.

"But why? She has no reason too" Michael says.

"Seriously mate she really does, I can't tell you she made me promise not to tell anyone about even the cutting but I need to help her. I have told you because you used to do it too and I was wondering how you stopped" I reply.

"Ash, I stopped because I found happiness and I had no more pain, it took time, it took patience. I really think there is no other cure. To help Becca I think you have to find out what pain she has that she feels she needs to get rid of by cutting. What she is so unhappy about. Also you need her to see the truth. I was forever lying to myself until Dad came back, he came and erased my lies and instead wrote out the truth. She needs to feel happy but the main thing she needs to feel is loved" Michael explains.

I sit for a minute thinking about what he had just said. I desperatly wanted to make Becca happy. I just didn't know what was making her so sad. I know she was bullied but there has to be more than that.

I now have a new mission. To find out why Becca is so unhappy. To make her happy and erase her lies. To make her feel loved and to fix her.

*Beccas POV*

Whilst in the shower I did some more thinking. I have now realised that I have ruined 4 peoples lives already and I cannot ruin anymore. I don't know how to stop myself from doing so though.

As much as I like Ashton I really cannot get any closer to him, I will only hurt him. I now know I am not going to stick around so theres not much point in getting attached to anyone anyway, it is going to be hard enough willing myself to do it knowing I will be leaving Leo and Luke.

***************************************Time skip***************************************************

Today is the boys first show. I'm excited for them but at the moment slightly freaked out because Michael keeps giving me these weird looks. I wonder why? He has been doing so ever since I came out of the shower yesterday. He can't of seen my scars can he?

*Ashtons POV*

Becca has seemed really distant ever since yesterday after the chat I had with Michael. She can't have found out I told him can she? No course not! Anyway she isn't really talking to anyone, not just me. The only time she ever talks to anyone is when its about Lolo.

I was going to tell her my feelings for her today but with her acting weird I have decided against it. If she keeps acting strange though I will confront her about it.

My plan is to see if she likes me back then if she does then I will take her on a few dates and try to get her to open up to me. If maybe she tells me why she feels she needs to cut then maybe I can pick out her lies. If she doesn't like me back then... I am not really sure what I will do. All I know is that I will no longer let her lie to herself anymore.

*Beccas POV*

We are heading to the venue now. I am not talking to anyone which is the plan but  can't help but feel even more alone and crappy. Maybe my plan isn't such a good one at all. I just don't want to hurt anyone else.

***********************************************Time Skip***************************************

It is 11am and I am sitting alone in the dining room bit of the bus just reading a magazine when Ashton comes and sits oposite me. I immedietly stand up to leave but his voice stops me.

"Why are you acting like this" He asks. I pretend I hadn't heard him and go to leave but he grabs my arm and pulls me back down into the seat oppisite him.

"Answer me" He demands.

"I haven't been acting like anything Ashton so please can I now leave?" I say acting innocent but he see's right through it.

"Becca c'mon everyone has noticed it. Whenever anyone sits near you, you get up and leave. If anyone asks you anything your answer is always one word. Only a few days ago you were cuddling me on the plane. Now there is nothing. Please Becca tell me whats wrong?" Ashton pleads.

I honestly don't have the stength to lie anymore. I tell him the honest truth hoping he will agree that I am doing the best thing. "I don't want to hurt anyone else"

"Anyone else? Who have you hurt in the past" Tears start falling down my face.

"Mum, Steve, Luke and Leo" I whisper.

"Becca that is the biggest load of nonsence I have ever heard how have you ever hurt any of those people?" He asks another question before coming to sit beside me and pulling me into a hug which I flinch away from.

"I was the one who killed Mum and Steve" I always seem to tell the truth to Ashton.

"No you weren't they died in a car crash how did you kill them?"

"They were in the car because of me. They were on their way home from the school trying to sort out the bullying that had recently started"

"But Becca it wasn't your fault the bullying started and you did what was right and told them about it. Also it wasn't your fault that other car hit them, and how have you hurt Leo and Luke?" He explains before asking another question.

"Leo always crys when I am around and well I am on tour with Luke because he is my carer. Honestly I know he doesn't want me here"

"Becca look you really need to stop lying to yourself. If you hadn't realised Leo crys around anyone these days and that is a loada crap about Luke not wanting you here. We all think you as a friend and it's a bonus you get to come on tour. Becca please please stop lying."

I listen carefully to what he says. Honestly what he says could be the truth, but I am smarter than just to believe someone who is trying to comfort me. The truth is I have ruined peoples lives no matter how many people want to deny it.

*Oh dear! So the song is Lies by Mcfly. Very apt don't you think!! Bit of a short chappy as I am very tired nd want to go to bed. Love yous! Byyyyyyeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee xxxxxxxx*