Connected

Chapter 21 'Feelings'

Chapter 21 ‘Feelings’

Lying on a bed next to the window in the Gryffindor girl’s dormitory was Evanna.

She wasn’t asleep instead she was thinking of the day that had gone by and night had fallen.

That night, her birthday night, she had heard someone enter her room, tuck her in and then leave. She didn’t know who that person was and why the hell he or she was being so good to her and so soon.

Then she woke up at the sound of her alarm clock, she also didn’t know who had set the alarm because certainly she hadn’t.

Evanna didn’t look up to meet anyone’s eyes at breakfast and nor at the station when saying goodbye. She spoke with difficulty because she was fully embarrassed and when she looked at herself in the mirror; she was red and mind you, it was always hard for her pale skin to turn red and it only happened in extreme embarrassment.  And now she was feeling embarrassment and regret and anger and so many other feelings which were so hard to control for her.

Evanna’s face had become blank, her smile no more reached her eyes and she never liked to see Harry, Hermione and nor Ron in the eyes. She tried to keep as much distance from all of them as much as she could. They were being nice to her but she thought that they had doubts on her.

In real, Evanna doubted herself now. She always thought she could control her lust to use the unforgivable curses but that wasn’t very true. They are like blood, once you’ve tasted it, you want more. But now, she had no trust on herself. She thought she might hurt them just for fun.

The curses call you towards themselves. It had been years she had been controlling herself from using them. Sometimes it got a lot stronger and sometimes just mild attraction. Whenever she used to touch her wand or any wand at all, they started whispering in her ears, calling her towards themselves.

A tear ran into her hair as she lay there in her bed, looking out of the window at the half moon. It had been hours and Evanna was just reclining on her bed and sleep wasn’t coming to her even though how hard she tried.

She wanted to sleep, to rest but somewhere deep inside she was scared she might dream of that night or dream of something horrible.

Her mind wouldn’t stop replaying the scene over and over again like a replay button had been pressed in her mind.  And to top it off, her conscious kept on scolding her.

Evanna felt like being judged. She felt like Hermione, Ron and Harry looked at her with worried looks sometimes. Like they were scared of her and her presence.

The only person she wanted to be around was Draco; the person who would understand her instead of judging or doubting her.  Draco; the person who was going through the same lust, the same pain.

Even though how much you think you know how it hurts, you’ll never know unless you don’t go through that same situation.

The bracelet turned from red to pink. Evanna still hadn’t figured it out fully yet. She didn’t have the time. Her mind wasn’t able to concentrate on anything else. She even got scolded by Professor McGonagall on changing a parrot to a furry glass instead of the fine clear one, a thing she was so good at.

Life felt harder than ever to Evanna. She had first lost Draco’s trust and now her whole family’s and friend’s trust. All the people she loved didn’t trust her anymore and nor did she trust herself any longer.

Losing trust on one’s own self is like being mentally tortured all the time. Your own conscious, your own self is accusing and doubting you for everything you do or think of doing for your own self or for someone else.