Johanna & Finnick: It Didn't End Like That

Chapter 20

Finnick's POV

I carried Johanna from the lake back to the cottage. I carried her upstairs into our room and dropped her on the bed, wrapping her up in the covers. I sit beside her and hold her hand, my eyes getting glossy with tears.

Why did I do that?

Those words echo in my head. Of course, sure, who would've known Jo would have a relapse? But I wasn't expecting one. I forgot about the possibility of it even existing. And now I have to pay for it in the worst way possible.

Her whole body jolted each time she felt the slightest touch of water. Each time my heart tore just a bit more. She looked so frightened, so fragile. She passed out it was too much for her.

And it's all my fault.

Johanna sleeps peacefully. She still flinches in her sleep. I wonder if she's having a nightmare or if the water is still traumatizing her, making her fear become more ignited than ever. I squeeze her hand for comfort every time. Her body softens and collapses back onto the bed, drifting somewhere I'm not sure of.

"It'll be okay," I whisper to her even though she can't hear me. "I'm always going to be here. I'll fuck up always. Trust me. But I'm never going to leave your side. I love you." Those words break me more inside. 

I lean down onto my knees on the floor, my face just inches away from hers. I kiss her lips softly, tracing circles on her cheek with my index finger. It's just like that night when she kissed me: magical. 

I kiss her lips again and then her cheek, then sinking back onto the floor, going back to simply holding her hand until she awakes from her endless nightmare.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"Finn."

My eyes flutter open at the sound of her voice. Johanna's eyes are still closed. She's awake, but not ready to be awake. I  get off the ground and lean on my knees, tracing circles in her palm.

"Hey," I softly say. "How're you feeling?"

"Like shit." She shakily laughs. "Nothing new. I'm still really tired."

"You need rest. After that..." My voice trails off. Thinking of what happened hours ago still haunts me. 

"There's still so much to do. And we only have tomorrow and the next day left," Johanna pushes. Her breath tickles my neck. "I wanted to show you the secret meadow in the forest where my mother taught me to sing, and the market where my father showed me all of the best foods and herbs to select. We should've been doing that right now..." She pulls upwards, squeezing my hand harder for support.

"Whoa," I say, trying to push her back on the bed. "You just..." I stop instantly. "Are you sure you're okay? After that...?" I hate how I have to keep bringing that shit up. But it's true.

"I'm fine." She closes her eyes. "I will be after moving around a bit and seeing those places. Well, that is if you want to with me." Johanna's eyes blink at me. God, her eyes are beautiful. You could look at them and get lost for hours. They're enchanting. It makes me sad knowing she doesn't know how beautiful she is.

"I'd love to see those places," I tell her softly. "If you're telling me you're ready, I'd love to see them."

"I'm ready." Johanna swings her legs out of the covers and they dangle off the bed. "I'm sorry about what happened back there," she suddenly starts saying. "It was stupid. I don't even know what triggered all of that."

"Me." My mind thinks before I can.

She shakes her head. "No, Finn. It wasn't you. I know that. We were in the water before and it was fine. It was just my mind repeating things. That's all." Johanna weakly smiles at me. "Let's go!" She hops off the bed and starts walking downstairs before I can answer her.