LF Friends, Will Travel

I am cute

Pirates and Purchasing power: A ship captain's memoirs.

Originally Published on 54 PST (Post Stasis time) by Hatil Author "Brian H Thompson"

Chapter 8: Terrans and cute things.

I am cute.

This is a fact that most, if not all, non-Terrans must contend with, as Terrans have a tendency to consider most things in the universe 'cute'. While depending on their species this may be less of a common occurrence, even the most reptilian insectoid members of the galaxy will have a subsection of Terrans find them adorable / cool / "Isn't she a beaut" (mostly those from the Australia region and its many colonies).

However, I am a Hatil, the subsection of the Terran population who find me adorable is roughly 101%. We are, as one Terran once told me, "S-Tier" cute. While I'm nothing special as far as my species goes, our short 4 ft tall stance, cream coloured fur, floppy ears, and black eyes make us look like, and again I quote "Like a baby seal and a teddy bear smushed together". I've looked up both animals, and personally, I don't see the resemblance, but that's Terrans for you.

There is no escaping 'the cute', no attitude or dress that will 'uncutify' yourself in the Terran's eyes, or at least without doing something immoral and terrible. Being friendly obviously increases the effect, but you can be rude and abrasive, and the primates will simply consider you a "Spicy teddy".

Which I've been told is also cute, but in a different way.

No manner of dress will protect you from 'the cute', whether the most regal of uniforms, or even as I found out in one act of unprofessional desperation, nothing at all. My uniform is that of an officially registered merchant vessel, a successful one. It is made by the finest tailors on Yulla, woven with Phalianous silks, trimmed with gold and the finest of red opals from the Illzori seas. Immaculately maintained, to any Hatil it is a representation of my station and the position I hold amongst the stars.

To your average Terran, most of them won't be able to move past the concept of "Oh my god, he has a little hat".

My hat is not little, it's normal sized. Terrans are just big.

No, even though most Terrans will make an attempt to treat me with a little respect, it's highly obvious in their mannerisms how they actually feel deep down. The look on their faces, the way their voices raise slightly in pitch, an eagerness to help. Being treated like a pup who managed to get top marks on a math test can be infuriating at times.

These are the ones trying to be polite. A minority of Terrans do not care for such niceties and will lose all sense of decorum when interacting with 'the cute'. If I'm being totally fair, they are mostly children. I can't bring myself to hate such young pups, the primates latching onto your leg with cries of "Teddy!", normally followed by a mortified parent dragging their protesting offspring away, all while profusely apologising to me.

I can, however, bring myself to hate the full grown adults who treat sentient beings like living plushies. You'd have thought anyone old enough to be travelling with a merchant vessel, would be old enough to understand the concept of "Don't randomly touch people without asking!"

In retrospect, Terrans in general tend to put their hands where they don't belong in a lot of situations. The first act of Terran proofing a vessel, is to slap giant warning signs on anything not suitable for interaction; much in the same way a nursery might put padding on sharp corners, to stop little pups having accidents. Sadly, you can't attach the signs to the other non-Terran crew members, although most soon learn that the claws on a Kigrel are for more than just show, that the species has the Terran nickname 'angry kitty' for a reason.