LF Friends, Will Travel

A Tank With Internet

Date: 63 PST (Post Stasis time)

Normally, this kind of thing would have been done in Kevin's office. Normally you'd take the human or occasionally uplift into a private room, explain to them quietly and firmly why bringing 10kg of psychedelics to a planet of psychic lizards was a bad idea, then work with whatever itinerary they had submitted to make sure the idiots who called themselves Terrans didn't get arrested for trying to bring an emotional support panda onto a gardenworld.

Kevin worked in immigration and customs. While the Terran Alliance guaranteed free passage for tourism amongst all 421 member species, that didn't mean you could ignore local laws. While his job was interesting, he thought he had seen everything. Up until now.

This interview was being done in the Sagittarius system's immigration station, a Terran built location to handle such movement. In particular this interview was being done in the hangar of the station, simply due to physical limitations.

"Hello. I am Kevin and I'm going to be handling your visa paperwork. I should call you Mr?...."

Kevin trailed off, unsure how to exactly refer to the AI that lay in front of him. Normally AI didn't have bodies, but this was a case of SAIS: Stuck Artificial Intelligence Syndrome.

While physically the AI could leave the form they inhabited at any time, some form of trauma left them unable to do so. Generally this tended to be escape pods, one person rescue machinery or life support suits. What stood in front of Kevin was something else entirely.

"THANK YOU HUMAN KEVIN. YOU MAY CALL ME TANK. I AM VERY EXCITED FOR THIS."

Yes, a full 70 ton Abrams tank stood in front of him, wiggling its turret as they spoke in a booming electronic voice. They dwarfed the human Terran, a mass of metal and weaponry shaped into a weapon of war. Kevin had to be honest, he's never done immigration for a tank before.

"So... Tank. What is the purpose of your trip?"

Calling it a tank was probably not accurate. The last Abrams tank had been created over 200 standard years ago, 10700 years if you counted in real time. This meant that every panel, every weapon, every gear had been upgraded since then. A small warp core now powered it, and the main turret could fire orbital level ammunition.

The Tank of Thesus was no longer considered a tank, but in most jurisdictions had to be registered as a corvette class warship.

"I WISH TO FINALLY VISIT THE WONDERFUL PLANETS OF OUR TERRAN ALLIANCE. MY PSYCHIATRIST STATED THAT THIS MAY HAVE A POSITIVE OUTCOME ON MY STATE OF CODE."

Kevin had looked up the details of the AI in front of him. Part of the defence force of mars during the great colony rebellion, the losing side. Like everything else during that conflict, it had quickly become messy.

Kevin had been unable to find exactly what had happened, in between classified information and data loss during a tumultuous time in Terran history, but he did know that model of tank generally held a crew of four. A crew that had not been recovered.

"Well we've got to talk about some of your submitted itinerary. For starters visiting the Scythen systems is just not going to happen."

"I AM A TERRAN CITIZEN, WITH THE RIGHT TO TRAVEL. I ALSO COME IN PEACE."

Tank waved their turret... Indignantly as they spoke. Or at least Kevin assumed it was indignantly, he was not fluid in armoured vehicle body language.

"The Scythen have a strict religiously enforced no weapons pacifistic policy. You are a-"

"INTERNET ROUTER." The AI interrupted the human for a moment, leaving them a moment to stare before continuing. "I HAVE THE ABILITY TO GENERATE FREE WIFI TO ANY LOCAL GALNET PROBE. I AM NOT JUST A TANK, I AM A TANK WITH INTERNET. ANY ORDINANCE OR ARMOUR PLATING IS JUST TO ENABLE THE TIMELY PROVIDING OF A PEACEFUL FREE SERVICE."