Nadine's Stuck.

TWENTY-FOUR

Nadine's POV:

Hiding from real monsters is hard. Caving yourself under blankets isn't as effective as I used to think.

"What is Nadia doing?" Riley asks. Tomorrow's the party, and though Cade is still a bit cross with me for skipping class, he let me miss school today with his friends. He didn't want me to feel left out, but I think I'll always feel out of place no matter where I am.

If I'm simultaneously anxious in school and out of it, where do I go to be happy?

"No clue!" Elana giggles. She clasps the edge of the blanket and lifts it off me. "Come on, they are talking about boring things, but Aki and I are talking about boys. Come with us!" She grabs my forearm and tugs me off the bed, towards Akiko.

On the other side of the room, near Cade's bed and desk, sit him and his friends on the floor. I zero in on Riley, who is parallel to where Elana lets me go. She applies pressure to my shoulders, urging me to sit. I allow the pressure to take over, sitting me on the floor. I bring my knees up, tucking them under my chin.

Riley's talking to Cade. Not looking at me. 

Don't look at me.

Look at me.

"So," Elana starts, pulling my attention to her. "I think I'm going to ask Weston Myers to go to the Valentine party with me. Thoughts?"

Akiko scrunches her nose and shakes her head. "Don't. He says slurs. For fun. Which is not fun."

"So? He's hot. And so does, like, every guy in our grade. Plus, when he does it, it's probably just a joke. Like  an insensitive one, but still just a joke."

Elana and I exchange a glance. I should tell her about the bathroom. Should I? I'll be a bad person either way. I don't want to be a bad person.

Akiko takes Elana's hands in hers, giving them a comforting squeeze. "You deserve better than that asshole, Lana. Ask someone who actually cares about you."

Elana pulls her hands away. "He's hot," she repeats. "It's just a party. It's not a real date. I just need someone to go with." She looks Akiko up and down. "What guys do you like, Aki?"

"I don't...I don't know."

"You don't know? So what people are saying is true?"

"What are people saying?"

"You're gay, and you're hitting on me."

"No, I'm--"

"Don't lie to me, Aki. It's, like, totally whatever, I guess. You could have told me, though. I think it's rude not to." Elana subconsciously leans further away from her. "Just don't get too crazy-lesbo."

Akiko shakes her head again and stands up. "I...I have to go," her gaze lingers on Elana for a few moments longer before she glances at me. She turns on her heel, calling out to Noah, "Noah, I'm going to Dalia's Diner for food. I'll meet you in the dorms later."

Noah raises his arm and gives her a thumbs up even though she can't see him. She's grabbing her purse and out the door quickly.

Elana rolls her eyes and looks at me. "That was kind of dramatic, huh? Did you tell her about the bathroom thing?"

I shake my head.

"Thanks! Totally cool of you. She'll probably be over it by the party. Anyways, back to boys. You and Riley, huh? I mean, I don't think you're the type of girl to go after a senior - I would, you wouldn't - but you guys would definitely be super duper cute together. Unless you really are too scared to go after a senior, you wouldn't be mad if I tried..." Her voice fades to a constant ring in my ears.