Nadine's Stuck.

TWENTY-EIGHT

Nadine's POV

Being regressed is like jumping out of plane with a malfuctioning parashoot. I've been falling in and out of the sky. An insecure place - not filled with Zara or cartoons, but filled with grief and recollections of things I don't remember experiencing.

Did I really kiss Cade? It all feels like a dream. 

I've lost count of how long it's been since I left my bed. I'm chained down, and even if I managed to unlink myself, I feel too heavy to move, anyway.

I haven't spoken to anyone. My throat is scratchy with embarrassment, dirt, and idiocy.

My head hurts.

"Nadine, please." Cade's voice comes with the downiness of a cloud trinkling with rain. He's sitting on my bed beside me, trying to get me to say something. Anything. But why would I?

"Talk to me. You don't have to tell me everything that happened. I won't ask."

Go away.

"The semester's ending soon, so we have to go see the guidance counselor."

My interest in the ceiling stays, eyes glued to it until I feel Cade's hand near my arm, just barely making contact with it. 

This will probably look bad for him. He was supposed to rehabilitate me, and now in the office, I'll seem worse than I've ever shown myself before this program started.

If I could say one word, it'd be sorry.

"Akiko's visiting soon to bring food from Dalia's. You haven't eaten in a while."

Haven't I? Days haze together, making it almost impossible to tell what happens during them, but I could have sworn remembering tasting the sweet flavour of cheesecake from the diner.

He pets my head, running gentle fingers through the ends of my hair. We stay like that for a while, a comforting position I almost flinch from.

A knock comes from the door, and Cade goes to answer it. He twists the lock and lets it slowly creak open.

"Nadine." Akiko steps inside, past him. She's not wearing her usual attire, instead sporting hastily brushed-through hair, sweats, and a long-sleeved shirt. No makeup on her face and a takeout box in her hand. 

"I don't really know what happened...But I think it's my fault." She takes hesitant steps forward, leaning over to place the food on my bed. "I was so caught up in Noah and Elana, I should have been paying more attention. I shouldn't have let him bring you upstairs. If I wasn't..." She trails off, shaking her head, words she'll regret saying fading away.

I sit up straighter. It wasn't her fault, it was mine. I'm the one who went upstairs with him. I'm the one who froze. I'm the one who always does something wrong.

"Akiko, don't say that." Cade's frown is permanently embedded across his face. "With that logic, it's just as much my fault as yours. And it's no one's fault besides Riley's." 

I bring my knees up to my chest. I know Cade blames himself more than he'd ever admit. The drugs that he lied about not having were my suicide weapon of choice. He's the one who told me it'd be okay - that Riley's nice.

"Yeah, but you didn't know he's done this to her before until now. I knew about it before." Aki digs her nails into the skin beneath her sleeve. She does that often, but I haven't noticed until recently.

Cade's brows furrow with confusion. "He did something to her before the party?"

My heart drops. I hug my legs tighter to my chest, laying my forehead on my knees.