The next morning, I was sipping my coffee in front of our gate, sitting comfortably in our gutter, counting how many cars, motorbikes, bikes, or people have already passed through our house. Ilan na sila? Hindi ko alam. I lost count.
"Jhiezzel." I looked at the one who called.
I didn't bother answering him and continued sipping my coffee. Staring straight at the road, I felt him sat on the gutter beside me.
"I'm sorry." He said.
"I'm sorry I didn't tell you. I... I was destined to marry someone my Lolo chose. That's how it has been for our family, kay Dad, my Tito's, even my cousins, and now... me." I still didn't speak.
"When I met you, we're both lost. Kakaalam ko lang noon ng plano ni Lolo. I found comfort beside you and ended up falling for you. Pero alam mo ba how thankful I am that you didn't fall in love like I did?" My heart sunk at his words.
"I was very grateful you didn't reciprocate my feelings. Kung nahulog ka rin sa'kin, I'll just end up hurting you." Falling for you or not hurts me, Ray.
"Hindi... Hindi mo naman ako gusto, diba Jhie? I just—I just want to confirm I'm not hurting you right now." How can I tell you you're hurting me Ray? It's just not the way you think it is.
"Jhie..."
"Ray, kaibigan lang talaga ang turing ko sa'yo." He smiled bitterly at that.
"Thank you." Hindi ko alam kung bakit siya nagpapasalamat doon. Is he feeling guilty?
"Did she tell you about me?" Nahigit ko ang hininga ko when he asked that.
"What do you mean?" I asked.
"I noticed you're... close. Nabanggit ba niyang she's bound to marry me—,"
"I need to take a bath, may lakad pa ako." Hindi ko na hinintay ang sagot niya't pumasok na sa loob ng bahay namin. The moment I got inside, itinapon ko sa sahig ang mug na hawak ko. Tinitigan ko lamang ang bawat pirasong nabasag.
Talagang hindi ako sa'yo nahulog, Ray. I fvcking fell for your fiancé.
Hindi ko namalayang nakatulog na ako nang umakyat ako sa kwarto at nagising na lamang akong may nangangalampag sa ibaba.
"Mom, ako na riyan." Naabutan ko si Mommy na winawalis ang nagkalat na piraso ng mug ko kanina.
Why didn't I think she'll be home? Parang tanga Jhiezzel, paano kung naapakan ito ng Mommy mo?
"It's okay, Jhie. I brought you some food, naroon sa kitchen. Mukhang hindi ka pa kumakain."
"I'll go out Mom, punta ako kayna Gail." Sabi ko rito at inagaw na sa kaniya ang walis and dust pan nang matapos siya. Ako na ang nagtapon noon.
"Why don't you eat first? Kakain ba kayo sa labas?" Mom asked when I finished fixing myself to go out. Tumango na lamang ako para hindi na niya ako piliting kumain pa.
Actually, hindi naman ako pupunta kayna Gail. Hindi ko alam kung saan ako pupunta, I just wanna get away from Mom before she could even notice something's wrong with me. Ayokong pati ako'y poproblemahin pa ng nanay ko ngayong matanda na ako.
Tiningnan ko ang sasakyan kong nakapark sa garahe. Ilang buwan ko na rin itong hindi ginagamit.
"Lemme use you tonight. Okay ka pa ba?" I talked to it.
I was driving to God knows where when a car suddenly pop out of nowhere. Mabuti na lamang wala masyadong sasakyan dahil nasa medyo malayo na rin akong lugar.
"What the fvck? Are you trying to kill us both?" I asked nang maibaba ko ang bintana ng kotse ko but I was taken aback when I saw who got out of that car.
BINABASA MO ANG
Her Steps (GS #1)
RomanceGRANDÉTON SERIES #1: Her Steps Jhiezzel Kane Portuez transferred from Del Rio University to Grandéton University to move on from her sister's death. This is where she met Krytienn Jaile Muardez, a woman who bugs her to have her friend, Ray.
