Her Steps (GS #1)

Chapter 27

Trigger Warning:
This chapter contains rape/abortion/trauma contents that may not be suitable for all readers. Skip some parts as you may. Read at your own risk.

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Krytienn

"Jai? Jaile!"

I opened my eyes and saw my father.

"Thank heavens!" he's crying. It's the second time I saw him crying. The first one was when my sister died.

"Dad... Dad, it didn't—it didn't happen, right? It didn't," I also burst into tears as I remember every second of that hell of a night.

Monsters. I fvckin' met monsters. There were two of them, blinding my sight with those shiny blades they hold, and holding every piece of me like I'm something that belongs to them. I was ruined more than once that night. I was ruined by Jhiezzel... and I was ruined by those monsters literally and figuratively. They all pushed me to my worst.

"Shh, wala na sila, anak. Wala na sila," he was crying while trying to stop me from pushing him.

I couldn't stop myself from crying, from breaking free from his hug, and from hurting him and myself in the process.

"They... killed me. They killed me, Dad. Pinatay nila ako!" I screamed to express my pain.

We heard some footsteps by the door. My heart beats fast, my mind becomes blank.

"T-they're coming again," I shut my eyes closed as I cover my ears.

"Dad, Dad, they're coming again. They're coming for me, Dad... help me, Dad..." I shouted like how I shouted for him the night it happened.

"Dad... help me, please. Help me, they're coming..." I was conscious, I was punching my Dad but I couldn't stop myself from doing so. My body was reacting how my mind remembers everything that I tried to do as I try to break free from their holds.

"Shh, please Jaile. Shh..."

"Dad, ayaw ko... please, parang awa mo na Dad, tulungan mo ako... h-help me, hindi ko na kaya... hindi ko na kaya, help me," I was crying hard, I was holding everything I can hold unto, knowing it would leave some wounds and scars on my own arms, as well as Dad's.

A sudden knock on the door was heard.

"Sir, we have the results," the doctor came in. I calmed down a bit.

"W-what results?" I asked.

"Ma'am, you're 2 weeks pregnant," my mouth hung open, my mind went blank, my heart stopped for a second.

The tears stopped falling, the noise that the aircon and the monitoring machine died down.

"Gilbert!" I saw my Dad's mouth moved but I couldn't even hear him.

I held my head. I couldn't hear anything but my own screams that night.

"Stop, please... I have to go after her."

"Parang awa niyo na... K-kailangan kong sundan si Jhie..."

"I have to go after her, p-please let me go..."

"Aaahh, let me go! Please... l-let me go."

No one heard me that night despite all the screams I did.

I could still remember how my world literally shattered the moment I learned I'm pregnant. I was unconscious for 3 weeks and the moment I woke up, that was the first news I heard. It was a moment of grief rather than gratefulness. All I thought that time was the life of a child in my womb was the death of my own life. Thus, I tried to take my own daughter's life away. Insane, yes, but I was out of my own mind. That selfish decision of mine turned the consequences to my daughter, her heart to be specific. She suffers with a weak heart due to my failure as a mother.

Those two men were identified and known as notorious rapists. It was fast to have them behind bars due to my father's connections. They're imprisoned for life. Regardless, it couldn't take away what happened.

And those dark times of my life, and my selfish acts I badly wanted to forget, are being reflected by the very eyes of the woman who started my tragedy.

"Leave me and my daughter alone, Jhiezzel," It took all the bravery I managed to gain all these years of trying to live well with my daughter, to say those words to her.

"Tienn, please. Let's talk—,"

"Bakit ba ngayong hindi na kita kailangan ay saka ka nagpakita?" I covered my face with my own palms as the vivid memories came back.

"I needed you back then. I needed your support to win my father's approval. I needed you that night to stay with me..." I looked at her with my eyes that reflected all the pain she caused me.

"My biggest what if... is that what if you stayed with me that night, kahit ilang segundo lang, Jhiezzel. Maybe... maybe it will ruin the perfect timing of meeting those monsters in the road while I was trying to run after you. Ilang segundo lang, Jhiezzel..." I paused as I wiped my tears despite the fact that it continued falling.

My heart is being shattered once again.

"Kung pinagbigyan mo sana ako't nanatili ka sa tabi ko kahit ilang segundo lang. Maybe those few seconds might have saved me from the worst tragedy of my life," sinubukan niyang hawakan ang kamay ko habang sinasabi ko iyon subalit iwinaksi ko ang kamay niyang iyon. That action made her cry harder.

I can see regrets in her eyes, I can see pain in her eyes. Nonetheless, I've seen my own a few years ago up until today and she was not there to see it.

"But you know what? Those monsters might have ruined me but Kane... my baby, my baby saved me. The very reason I am standing in front of you today is my baby Kane. I live for her and her only. So whatever you have to say, save it for yourself. I was saved already and I don't need anymore saving. Leave me and my daughter alone," were my last words before turning my back on her.

I walked towards Kane's room. Hinaplos ko ang buhok ng natutulog kong anak.

"I'm sorry, baby..." I whispered as I kissed her cheeks.

"M-mmy... Why you cwing?" she whispered. I softly chuckled as I saw how hard she tried to speak but her sleepiness is winning over her.

"I'm just happy to be with you, baby," I said.

"Why do you cwy when you'w happy, 'mmy?"

"Crying isn't always about being sad, baby. Sometimes, when the heart can't handle too much emotions, being happy for example, it brings tears to our eyes," I explained but when I looked at her, she was already sleeping. I smiled. I really thought my 3-year old daughter would understand that?

"Crying isn't a weakness baby. It's just a way to stop ourselves from hurting even more," bulong ko pa.

I looked at the egg sandwich Jhiezzel bought for her.

My what if was very hopeful but we all know things happen for a reason. It was a very perfect timing. She left me so early so I could try running after her and... encounter those monsters.

If it didn't happen, Kane wouldn't be in this world. I would still be stuck with Ray and Dad, and I would still be the immature me. I know all of these but no one can change the fact that that night ruined me, changed me, and killed me.

...

A/N:

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