(Title credit: Famous Last Words by My Chemical Romance)
It's been a year...since I started...this fic...what the actual fuck...
There's lots of talking in this chapter which really sucks but it's all very important shit so, yeah
-x-
Alex's POV
Wait, what?
Jack loves me?
But, what about Jenna?
What the fuck?
Despite all the questions racing through my mind I remained speechless. How are you supposed to respond in a situation like this? Obviously I don't love him back, but I don't want to be blunt and break his heart after mere minutes of restarting our friendship.
"Wow, um," I stuttered nervously. Jack kept staring at the floor, as if something bad would happen if he so much as held my gaze "Sorry man, I don't feel the same way"
"Yeah I know that," his reply was harsh "I don't even know why I bothered telling you. What does it change? Nothing. You still love Hayley and she still loves you"
"Well yeah, she is my girlfriend dude. Speaking of girlfriends, why the fuck are you with Jenna if you love me? Are you using her or something?" I started to grow angrier with each word I spoke. Sure, Jenna's a pretty strong person and can take care of herself, but she's one of my closest friends. I swear to God if Jack is only dating her to mask his sexuality...I don't know what I'd do to be honest. I'd be extremely annoyed at most, maybe even punch him square in the face. Jack surprisingly looked up this time, brown eyes wide open and full of shock at my accusation.
"What, no! I would never do that to her! Do you really believe I'm that much of a dickhead, Alex?" Jack's face fell as he said the last sentence. Guilt washed over me. He's right; how could I even think my best friend would do something like that? Sure, he might be the king of dick jokes but that doesn't mean that he can't be mature, especially when it comes to other people's emotions. I took a deep breath and tried my best to calm down.
"Okay then, explain to me what exactly is going on between you two"
"Basically, I've been in love with you for pretty much forever, but since you started dating Hayley we didn't hang out as often, and it kind of sucked. So I hung out with Jenna most of the time and realised how great she is. I don't know how to describe it, she's just so funny and kind and beautiful, and I really like her. I asked her out last week and I was really surprised when she said yes. Like, how can someone that amazing even have the same feelings for you, y'know?" His face had finally lit up as he talked about Jenna, it was adorable. I wonder if that's what I'm like when people ask me about Hayley.
"Yeah, I know what you mean dude"
"The thing is I'm still sort of hung up on you. It's hard to fall out of love with someone when your heart's been set on them for so long. Of course I told Jenna this when we got together, she was a bit weird about it at first which was understandable, but afterwards she was cool with it. I'm just worried that she thinks I'm only with her so people think I'm straight, but that's not the case at all. I thought coming out to you and saying how I felt would give me closure, and I could move on from you, but I don't even know if it worked. I don't love you any less than I did before today"
Once again, I couldn't form a response. It was a lot to take in. I'm still finding it difficult to process the fact that Jack actually loves me. I'm his best friend, how could I not have noticed all this time? Maybe because I was too wrapped up in girls to be observant of the things around me. My mind then went back to the night of Hayley's party, and I felt sick as the sudden guilt and regret kicked in. I had sex with him and it was meaningless to me, but to him it must've meant everything. In addition, I proceeded to completely ignore him the following morning with no explanation. I broke two hearts in one day on that weekend. Oh my God, I'm the worst person in the world. I don't deserve to have Hayley, I don't deserve to have Jack's friendship, I don't deserve Zack, Rian, Jenna or Tay. I don't deserve anything.
"Jack, I'm so sorry for being such an idiot, why you're even friends with me, I don't know," I buried my face in my hands and let out a long sigh "Jenna is so much better than me, in so many ways. Don't hold yourself back because of your feelings for me, it's not fair on her, or you, okay?"
"Okay" he nodded his head in understanding.
"By the way, I'm totally cool with you being...you know, bi"
"Thanks dude" Jack responded with a genuine smile, one that I hadn't seen in an awfully long time. After the tense atmosphere had cleared, we went to the kitchen to get some food and went up to his room to play video games and dance to pop punk. Just like old times.
-x-
I WROTE THIS AT LIKE 2AM LAST NIGHT LMAO
I need to start writing during the day, my sleep schedule is extremely fucked up atm
-x-
Truth or consequence, say it aloud,
Use that evidence, and race it around
(If anyone gets this I will love you forever this is literally my favourite song)
