Oceans In My Mind

Survivalist

When I was young I was praised for being the smartest in the room, the strongest mentally for my age, the oldest child ever so caring, the creativeness of my spirit, the bravery to take a hit without flinching, these are now all things I've been punished for as an adult, overthinking every possible outcome, shielding myself from painful things, being resourceful in unconventional ways, not living up to the expectations of my generation, caring to much about the wrong things, and taking hits for the wrong people
some will call me a victim of my own devices and others will say I'm a survivor of my past situations, what classifies as surviving and what classifies as just being stuck in a cycle, unmoving yet speedily taking off, every fiber of my being screams in silence at the thoughts overflowing in my skull, I forget how to breathe in moments like this my heart rate spiking and dropping in the same moment as if I've fallen into a REM sleep, yet I stay up late just to wake up early, the tiredness never escaping my body fully, my dreams draw blanks when I close my eyes and the future hides from me, yet I predict the outcome remains the same, I'm alone again wishing you where with me to quiet the rambling in my brain, Survive until I see you again.