I'm Married To Pain

Chapter 31

It went fast. I didn't even expect it.

I watched him go from his office to the court and from the court to his office. His secretary mentioned to me about his problems with the company and all. He's barely eating nor sleeping.

Deep in me, I know, I never really wanted to do this to him. I wanted them to pay for everything but I didn't know it would be this messy. Tyler's company including Jcee's went down. Although the Golden Empire is still in the middle, investments were declining badly and the shipments were having problems.

Thinking about it alone makes me go crazy but whenever I think about Gina and me, everything we've been through, I wanted them to suffer more.

"Where's Jared?" I asked Laura.

She looked at me with a sad face. "He's in his office room. He didn't even eat."

It's 2 AM. And everyone's still up, waiting for him to eat.

"He dismissed us and said he won't eat but we insisted." Said the other maid. "He's been working non-stop. He didn't even dare to sleep yesterday night."

Something pricked my chest.

Don't. He deserves it. Everyone does!

"You guys go to sleep. I need you guys early tomorrow. I'll take care of him, don't worry." I dismissed them.

I peeked at his office and he's still up talking to someone while his computer is on and he is scanning some papers. He looked thinner and duller than before.

Okay. Maybe preparing something for him won't be so bad. Besides, he's doing what I asked him to do. Of course, it wouldn't be so bad, would it be?

I prepared him a ham sandwich and coffee but when I got there, he's already sleeping with his head on top of his desk. I looked at his face.

After a long time, I haven't seen him sleep like this. I haven't seen his face like this. So calm and innocent. It wasn't the Jared who hurt me. It was the Jared I used to love. Who used to love me.

I couldn't feel my anger by just looking at him. I felt weaker.

How come he turned into this thinner and duller version of a greek god? Even though, he is still handsome as hell. I caressed his cheeks softly.

Old Jared, please come back.

He quickly caught my hand. I thought he's asleep. "I just want to rest for an hour." I tried to pull my hand but he's too strong. "Can I rest for an hour with your hand in mine? That would be enough for me to stay awake tomorrow all day."

I still tried to pull my hand off him. "Let go."

"I just want to rest for a bit. Just a bit." He breathed heavily as he pulled my hand to his chest. He's crying.

He looked tired but it was an underestimation. He's more tired than I think he is. It's audible in his voice and visible in his teary eyes. He moved his head facing down the table. I didn't move. I let him have my hand. He continued to sob quietly while holding my hand close to his chest. "Thank you." He whispered.

I sympathize him. I hate seeing him like this. No matter how much hate I have for him, it's slowly fading. Afterall, I'm still his wife. The only person he wanted to stay before he lose his friends, his freedom and his company, before everything is taken away from him. The only thing he wished would stay is our marriage. Why not give him just tonight? Just tonight.

I put my other hand on his back connecting it to my other hand he held in his hands, hugging him from behind. "You have to eat and then sleep a little longer than an hour."

"I can't handle everything at once. No matter how much I push myself, I'm still losing everything. Why can't I do this right? Like trying to catch confetti thrown by a plane. I feel so fvcking tired of it." He admitted.

He sounded as if he's surrendering to me. He admitted his defeat.

"Maybe you just need to lose everything to see its worth. Money, fame, good life, friends..." I said.

But he finished it off for me. "... wife." He lifted his head. "Hang on for a sec. If I lose you now, I don't know if I still want to fight. After all these, I promise you, I'll be the one to let go of your hand, to let go of you. Just, not now."

Something about what he said hurt me. But I didn't mind. I know to myself that I wanted so much to divorce with him and I can't wait til everything's over. Both of us can finally rest from all the bullsh*ts.

I haven't talked to dad since that incident and I'm pretty hurt that he didn't even try. I went to the Wills' mansion to pick my Jansen up.

I saw him playing checkers with some of the guards. He looked like he's just their age.

"That's such a foolish move." He said and killed 3 of his opponent's chips. The others cheered for him.

I laughed at them. They noticed my presence so they quickly stood properly and greeted me. I hand signed them, telling them it's fine.

"Be careful madam. He seemed like a 60-year old guy had been stucked in a six-year old boy's body." One of them teased.

Jansen stood and fixed his suit. "C'mon. That's every loser's excuse."

Everybody laughed.

"Baby don't be rude." I pinched his cheek lightly.

"Thanks for the game, gentlemen. But I have to go. Got some work to do." He joked them.

The guards bowed to him like how they bow to James or Jared.

He's training himself to be the next president, perhaps. Such an amusing thing. We left the place and went to James' room.

But before we enter, I heard Jared arguing with him.

"Why did you call me here? I told you, I have lots of things to do." Jared said irritated.

I heard a glass click to the table. "You look pale and skinny. Can you not take a break? Do you want me to help you with Nathan's case?"

My eyes widened a bit. What help?

"I'm fine, dad. If you're worried about the case, I'm not scared of getting imprisoned. I can't waste any second of my time. I can't affor to watch the company fall. I have to do something." He explained.

"I can afford to lose the company, Jared. What I can't afford is to lose you, my son. Your health--"

"Don't worry about it. I have to build it back. Not for me, not for you but for Jansen and for my wife."

Jansen looked at me and smiled. He heard his dad say how much he loved him... and me. Me? I don't believe him though. After everything? Nope.

"I hired my personal investigator and detective to narrow down the case. The court has been so slow. And you know what I found out?"

"Don't."

When I heard that, I automatically looked at Jansen. He's a smart kid. He knew what I meant. "I'll go to the kitchen. I'm hungry." He said.

I just nodded at him before he walked away.

What is this again? Is this some kind of sick joke? Does this mean there's more?

James shouted. "I can't afford to just sit here and watch you get imprisoned for something you didn't do! You know what they filed against you? Murder. Do you even understand that?"

"I know, okay? I fvcking know that! Let it be. If this is the only way I can keep Ashley with me, I will do it willingly! After everything that I put her through, this is the only way I can atleast--" He paused.

"See? That's what I mean. You're just making yourself suffer not to make her feel better but to lessen the guilt you have. All for yourself again, Jared. You have to forgive yourself."

"I'm trying." His voice sounded teary. "I... I just can't."