whimsical 9-5 job

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creativity used to love me. it really did. i used to love creating and making and coming up with ideas and stories and crafting. i used to love writing. god, i used to spend hours and hours on all the hobbies i love.

and now i can't.

responsibilities are crawling towards me as age keeps running to keep up with me. no matter how fast i run, it was bound to run the same speed as me. adulting is gnawing at the cold metal of the prison, wanting to be let out. and i wish i could just run away and leave it all behind and keep the whimsical fireworks and flames in my soul but i just can't. i couldn't.

i just couldn't.

i used to be surrounded with so much words like being trapped inside a whirpool of letters that it made it so easy to write, like picking off a low-hanging fruit from a tree. and now i'm stuck sitting in front of a desk, surrounded by people i work with and work for, desperately trying to claw out of the box and survive for another day.

and i wish i could live a life with nothing but whimsy and doing the things i love, you know? i wish the things i love doing did something back for me other than making me happy, like put food on the table or pay my bills.

i just wish trying to survive didn't slowly drained the whimsy and hobby out of me when it was once what made me who i am.

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