Leal

57.

I got dressed, I packed my bag, I ate breakfast, I finished getting ready, and now I'm ready to go.

I am ready to go.

"You don't have to go in," Noah repeats for what must be the thousandth time.

"I have to at some point so why not now?"

"Because you're not ready!" Noah bursts out, shocking me. Recently, everyone has been careful and quiet around me.

"Noah," Harry warns from the doorway.

Noah stares at me harshly for a few more seconds before shaking his head and walking away, brushing past Harry in the doorway. I stare after him but don't speak.

"Oh, sweetie," Harry smooths a hand down the back of my head, "you keep your phone on you at all times, okay? I don't care what your teachers say, if you need to text or call any one of us at any point, you don't hesitate. Giovanni is driving you both and picking you up."

I nod without looking up at him, he sighs and presses a kiss to the top of my head.

I sit in the living room, picking at the skin around my nails and wait for Giovanni and Noah to be ready to go.

I look up when I hear keys rattling from the doorway and find Giovanni stood there, looking over at me.

"Come on," he nods.

I pick up my bag and follow behind him to the garage, Noah already sat in the passenger seat of the car. Without a word, I sit in the back seat.

We pull up to the school in silence until Giovanni is parked and he breaks the silence, "any issues, either of you, call me. I'll be straight here."

Noah and I both nod before getting out of the car. I expect him to walk away, straight over to where I see Alexsei and his other friends but he sticks by me.

I glance up at him quickly and find him, unusually, straight faced.

Alexsei steps in front of us and looks down at me, "you okay being here?"

A flash of annoyance flows through me at the question. Can everyone just let me be?

"Yes," I answer shortly.

He keeps his eyes on me for another second, "okay," he nods.

"Let's just go in," Noah says before looking down at me, "what have you got first?"

"Uh," I try to think, "what day is it, again?"

Both Noah and Alexsei glance at each other before Alexsei answers, "Tuesday."

"Uh, maths."

Oh, God.

"I was thinking of skipping first -" Noah begins.

I cut him off, "I'm going to first period."

"Chiara," he shakes his head.

"Let's go," I nod towards the school.

"Do you want me to walk you all the way to your class?" Noah asks when we get inside, as he's meant to be going towards his geography class.

"No, it's okay, Alexsei is down that corridor anyways."

He pauses for a second before nodding, "okay," he squeezes my shoulder then walks away.

Alexsei stays practically stuck to my side on our way upstairs to maths, and it does help. It helps me ignore the way other students are staring at me.

To think I thought the stares on my first day would be the worst it would get; this is worse.

I keep my head down as I walk, wanting to pretend they aren't there.

In an ideal world - in a world I lived in weeks ago - Florence would be walking next to me.

We turn the corner, down the maths corridor.

Fuck, this is harder than I thought.

I glance inside the door of my classroom, students already sat inside and our teacher sat behind his desk.

I glance towards the back of the class and spot two empty seats. One at the back, and one directly in front. I feel sick.

I can hear Alexsei talking, and I think Archie's here too. They're both speaking to me. My head's spinning, I'm breathing too quickly and, oh God, I think I'm going to be sick.

I turn and walk away, short of breath.

Don't throw up. Don't throw up. Don't throw up.

I struggle my way past students going the opposite way from me but I manage to get past.

I walk straight out of the doors and into the basically empty parking lot, planning to walk straight home - despite the distance.

But I look up. And Giovanni is there. He's stood by his car, arms crossed. He didn't leave.

I run and crash into him. I think I'm sobbing but I don't feel as though I'm going to be sick anymore.

"Oh, my love," he rests his head on mine and holds me to him, "mia figlia," he whispers.
[my child]

"I couldn't do it. I'm sorry. I don't know why I tried," I scrunch my eyes closed as more tears escape.

"No need to apologise, Chiara, we all go at your pace. It's okay, my love."