Fifty Shades of Shoey

Chapter 11

Joey's POV:

"Where the hell were you?! Where's your shirt?!," Sawyer yelled the second I stepped into our apartment. I looked down at my chest, no wonder it was colder than usual.
"Uhh.. Trisha spilled something on it," I lie to my roommate. I know it's a small lie but I can't help all the guilt I feel. After all, he was only watching out for me.
"Joey. Is something going on?.. Oh my god, were you with him?," Sawyer interrogates me. Although he didn't say a name I know exactly who he's speaking of. He wants me to stay away from Shane because he thinks Shane will only hurt me. I'll prove him wrong. "No, of course not. I'm gonna go to bed now," I tell Sawyer. I can tell he's bothered by my sudden dismissal. I walk into my room and close the door, not bothering to lock it. I fall asleep imagining Shane's arms around me.

Shane's POV:

"Shane! Shane, wake up right now!"
What the fuck? I rub my eyes before opening them.
"What now, Lisa?!" I yell a little too loudly.
"What the fuck is that?!," Lisa yells while pointing at my neck. I quickly get up and run to the nearest mirror, examining my neck. Shit, the hickies.
I look at Lisa, not knowing what to say and not wanting to lie. Tears fill her eyes and all I want right now is to not hurt her.
"It's not what it looks like, Lisa," I tell her. It really is though.
"Did you cheat on me? Who was it?," she says in between tears.
"It was Trisha, wasn't it?! I knew she was trouble!"
"What? No! God no!," I say. I can't blame everything on Trish. Poor Trish, I've been using her so much lately.
"Get out! I want you out, Shane!," Lisa demands, pointing to the door. Tears stream down her face.
"Lisa, please. Calm down and just let me explain," I exasperatedly say.
"Drew was there and we were playing with a truth or dare app and one of the dares was to give the person to your left a hickey. I just happened to be sitting on his left! It was just fucking Drew," I lie. Damn, I'm good. She looks at me angrily.
"Well, what the hell do you expect me to think?!," she fights back.
"I expect you to trust me!," I yell back. I shouldn't be saying that after what happened yesterday and before that. I just can't stand her yelling at me like this.
I grab some clothes and get into the shower, trying to wash my guilt away. I need to edit some videos today but I also need to talk to Joey.

Joey's POV:

"Joey. I have to tell you something," the blue eyed boy says. Oh my goodness gracianious, is this it? Is he finally gonna ask me to be his?!
"Yes, Shane?," I ask excitedly.
"I... I'm sorry, Joey. I'm in love with Drew," Shane says. My heart shatters into a million pieces. No, this can't be happening. This isn't real.
"Wha-what? What about us? How could you?! You said you loved me! I gave myself to you, Shane!," I cry.
"I was confused. I care about you Joey, but I don't love you," he says, stomping on my already broken heart. No. No, this isn't happening. My entire world is collapsing.

I wake up shaking and covered in a mixture of sweat and tears. I can feel my shattered heart inside of my chest. I can't stand this emotional pain. I run to my bathroom and look frantically for something sharp, anything. All of my razors are gone. Desperately, I go to my bedside and find a small glass cup full of water. I run back to my bathroom, dump out the water and break the glass. I let all the warm tears fall down my face.
"I don't love you." I find the sharpest shard of glass I can and make a deep cut down my arm.
No, no I can't go back to this. I can't disappoint Shane like this again. It was just a dream. Shane loves me. Only me. Then why is he with his girlfriend Lisa right now instead of you? My subconscious taunts me. I scream out of anger and punch the wall. Immediately my roommate Sawyer barges into the bathroom. I try to close and lock the door but he's too quick and strong. He pushes the door open enough to let himself in.
"Joey, stop this right now!," he orders me. He tries to grab the shard of glass from my hand but I wrestle him for it. Again he's too strong for me and ends up with bloody hands from the sharp glass. He takes all of the pieces and throws them away, knowing I wouldn't dig through the trash. He completely ignores his bloody palms. He looks at me with tears in his eyes and just pulls me into his arms. I cry into his shoulder and feel his own tears fall onto my bare back.
"Joey, please. You have to stop this," he tells me for what feels like the millionth time.
"I'm sorry," my voice cracks.
"Don't you see, Joey? One day it could get really bad... and you could lose too much blood... and I might not be there in time...," Sawyer chokes. I'm so lucky to have a roommate that cares about me so much.
"That's not something you can take back, Joey, and I need you to understand that," he finishes with a broken voice. I apologize in between hiccups.
"Was it him? Did he cause this?," Sawyer asks, clearly accusing Shane. Sawyer was the only person to ever know of my strong feelings for Shane, the feelings that caused me so much pain. I nod my head no. Technically, it was only a dream not the actual him. I could never blame Shane for this.
"Do you want to talk about it?," Sawyer asks me in a soothing voice.
"No. I want to forget this. I won't do it again," I promise him, not sure if I can keep my promise. He washes up and cleans both of our cuts, sending me straight to the shower afterwards. Sawyer goes back to the video he was recording before this.

After having a smoothie for breakfast I quickly go to edit some videos. I haven't touched my laptop in weeks. I let it charge for a while before turning it on. The first thing that pops up is the video. Despite the hurt I'm feeling, I can't help but to be really turned on by this video of me going down on Shane. It was our first real intimate experience and I will never forget it. Maybe I should just give it a watch.. I go back to the beginning of the video and press play. I should be editing videos.
The video gets to us grinding and I look down at my right jeans. Sure enough, the bulge in my pants is there. I gulp and try to ignore it. Why am I watching this, again?
Shane's facial expression when I take him into my mouth is enough for me to get off to on its own. I rub myself through my jeans, remembering what happened the last time I did something like this. I moan at my dirty thoughts about him. I remember the way his mouth felt around me... his plump lips.
"Screen falling off the door door hanging off the hinges. My feet are still sore, my back is on the hinges. We tore up the walls, we slept on couches, we lifted this house! We lifted this house!..."
Walk the Moon breaks me from my perverted thoughts. I grab my phone next to me and look at the screen. My heart skips a beat when I see who's calling me. What if this turns out just like my dream?! No, of course it won't. He loves me. Shane Lee Yaw loves me.
"Hello?," I pick up.

Question of the day: What other YouTubers do you watch?